The College Football thread

“Susie Q. sings "Yea Alabama"

http://www.bamapride.com/media/audio/Shirley_Q_Liquor-Yea_Alabama.mp3”

“"Roll all over dat ass. Mhum."”

“Well, arc, we know how you southern folks eat, you know, like, weird stuff....

;-)”

“WOW...arc, you are a BIG time Gator fan....might even say you were a MASTER...as a fan...and that would make you a MASTERGATOR (LOL)....Lets see how you handle Stafford on 10/28.....”

“Dang, I don't have a photo that shows the Stanford center doing a regular snap when the QB was lined up in the shotgun. Never seen that one before....”

“XL, he's also a very big fan of

C oach
U rban
M eyer
last edited: 9/19/06 1:02:30 PM”

“Did chili shave his head?


”

“OMG!!!!”

“HOW MANY SEC STUDENTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?


At VANDERBILT: it takes two, one to change the bulb and one more to explain how they did it every bit as good as the bulbs changed at Harvard.


At GEORGIA : it takes two, one to change the bulb and one to phone an engineer at Georgia Tech for instructions.


At FLORIDA : it takes four, one to screw in the bulb and three to figure out how to get stoned off the old one.


At ALABAMA : it takes five, one to change it, two to reminisce about how The Bear would have done it, and one to throw the old bulb at an NCAA investigator and one to throw the other old bulb at Fulmer.


At OLE MISS: it takes six, one to change it, two to mix the drinks and three to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.


At LSU: it takes seven, and each one gets credit for five semester hours.


At KENTUCKY : it takes eight, one to screw it in and seven to discuss how much brighter it seems to shine during basketball season.


At TENNESSEE : it takes ten, two to figure out how to screw it in, two to buy an orange lampshade, and six to phone a radio call-in show and talk about how much they hate Alabama .


At MISSISSIPPI STATE : it takes fifteen, one to screw in the bulb, two to buy the Skoal, and twelve to yell, "GO TO HELL, OLE MISS".


At AUBURN : it takes one hundred, one to change it, forty-nine to talk about how they did it better than at Bama, and fifty to get drunk and roll Toomer's Corner when finished.


At SOUTH CAROLINA : it takes 80,000, one to screw it in and 79,999 to discuss how this finally will be the year that they have a decent football team.


At ARKANSAS : None. There is no electricity in Arkansas.


PLANNING FOR THE FALL FOOTBALL SEASON


Planning for the fall football season in the South is radically different than up North. For those who are planning a football trip to the South, here are some helpful hints.


Women's Accessories


NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.

SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's what dates are for.


Stadium Size


NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.


Fathers


NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.

SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.


Campus Decor


NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.

SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.


Homecoming Queen


NORTH: Also a physics major.

SOUTH: Also Miss America.


Heroes


NORTH: Rudy Giuliani

SOUTH: Bear Bryant, Archie, Eli and Peyton Manning, Bo Jackson


Getting Tickets


NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campusand purchase tickets.

SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and put name on waiting list for tickets.


Monday Classes After a Saturday Game


NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have to prepare for classes on Monday.

SOUTH: Teachers cancel Monday classes because they don't want to see the few hung over students that might actually make it to class.


Parking


NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.

SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.


Game Day


NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.

SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots up north who wonder why "Game Day Live" is never broadcast from their campus.


Tailgating


NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.

SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthews' Band," who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.


Getting to the Stadium


NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.

SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city.


Concessions


NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.

SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon.


When National Anthem is Played


NORTH! : Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.

SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.


The Smell in the Air After the First Score


NORTH: Nothing changes.

SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.


Commentary (Male)


NORTH: "Nice play."

SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sum#&%!$ - tackle him and break his legs.."


Commentary (Female)


NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."

SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sum#&%!$ tackle him and break his legs."


Announcers


NORTH: Neutral and paid.

SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.


After the Game


NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.

SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker, while somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, and planning begins for next week's game.


Nothing else in the universe comes even halfway close to the glories of Southern football!”

“How many Unv So Cal (USC students does it take to change a lightbulb?

One to put it in, but an entire surgical staff to remove it from the first ones tail end.”

“StoveStomper...

Cute list... but, I beg to differ on some accounts... :-) Most of the items you described might fit the fussy fans of the University of Michigan, but...you obviously have never been to a Michigan State Football Game.... :-) Win or Lose, Spartan fans love tailgating and are devoted fans of their football team.... :-) When it comes to tailgating, some fans are there before sunrise and stay until sundown... (for a NOON game) :-)

We northerners love college football as much as the south, it's just a matter of a different style, that's all. ;-)

How many Southerners would stay for all 4 quarters at a game the day AFTER a blizzard? (AND enjoy the game?!) ;-) REAL football fans come to the game, rain or shine... or snow, as the case may be... :-)”

“How many University of Michigan students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

The light bulb never gets screwed in because they are all standing around boasting about how they well they would have done it if they had been the ones to screw it in. :-) No one from U of M knows if anyone's ever screwed one in, but they are more than eager to tell you how they could do it better if they ever needed to screw one in.

***********************************

How many Michigan State University students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It takes one friendly student who smiles while replacing the bulb and then offers to replace the next one, too.”

“Bowlder, if only you knew. Personally, I love sushi. I make a point of going out at least once every two weeks for sushi. But it wouldn’t play at an SEC game.




Dayhiker, why are you so eager to bend over so early? You’ve got another week before I ride you.




Oh Golly! Is my fragile ego so obvious? Sniff….sniff…it’s so true; I’ve always been a weakling.

But at least, after having trash-mouthed an opponent, I have the class to say something nice about teams that

KICK THE GATOR’S BUTTS IN THEIR OWN HOME!!!


My fragile ego couldn’t care less whether you congratulate me although, with the absence of Radagast, I appear to be the only GATOR here.

So what happens? I congratulate Tennessee on a game well played, point out some things they did well, and some players I admire. But all I get is a whiny, sniveling reply of how I shouldn’t crow.


I have re-evaluated my opinion of Tennessee fans. Chili shows remarkable lack of character but especially after I saw that garbage being thrown at our players waiting to come out of the tunnel for the second half.

And you can be sure, chili, that I will ride you into the ground after every Tennessee loss. My fragile ego can take anything you’ve got. How about you, you sorry LOOOOOOOOOOOOOSER?”

“LOL...I may not be a big Gator fan but I will back an SEC team against an outside opponent any day of the week. Arc, Flordia showed some style with their treatment of Marcus Thomas...but he better be doggone careful...two more offenses he gets drafted by the Irving Cowboys.”

“"Win or Lose, Spartan fans love tailgating and are devoted fans of their football team.... :-) "

I think you might have mispoke a bit here. Let me fix this for ya.

Win or Lose, Spartan fans love rioting and burning stuff and are devoted fans of their football team.... :-)

Much better! LOL!”

“Go Hawkeye's”

“How many Southerners would stay for all 4 quarters at a game the day AFTER a blizzard? (AND enjoy the game?!) ;-) REAL football fans come to the game, rain or shine... or snow, as the case may be... :-)”

there are no blizzards in the south on game day, its not allowed.”

“When it comes to tailgating, some fans are there before sunrise and stay until sundown... (for a NOON game) :-)


pinkbubelz
10:58:03 PM
9/20/06

Darlin, you need to go to the Iron Bowl one year when it is played in Auburn. If you don't have your parking place by Wednesday before the game, odds are you won't get one.....anywhere in Auburn.”

“...I may not be a big Gator fan but I will back an SEC team against an outside opponent any day of the week. .....”
XL400236
7:45:20 AM

I think most peeps from SEC member schools are that way. Our problem with national rankings is we beat each other while the top ranked schools only play one or two other good teams the whole season.

I just wish my poor DAWGS could play like a real SEC team this year. :-(”

“Stovie I am telling you let Stafford get his legs and get some SEC experience (the interceptions against the Cocks were the result of trying stuff that worked in Texas Highschool football against College players (Matt that is a TEAM name for the University of South Carolina don't nuke it please (LOL)....you are looking at some fun days.

I had to offer condolences to TENN...man I hate it when a team loses a good player to injuries. I would rather play the team healthy than get a sorta break.”

“Not sure Stovie the Big Ten beats up on itself all year long. Now that Iowa has started stepping up the last few years you have Ohio State, Michigan, Iowa, Penn State that play games that could go either way. And you can never count out Purdue, Wisconsin, Michigan State as the seem to pull off a few upsets.”

“arc is a touch sensitive these days. Sounds like he's overcompensating for a shortcoming somewhere.”

“Darn it, XL! Go away, you’re ruining my shtick here.




This is truly a shame for this young fool. Well roam around, it looks as nobody else will have to deal with that great Florida D-line that stuffed that weenie Tennessee running game:


Thomas on indefinite suspension

By ROBBIE ANDREU
Sun sports writer

Florida defensive tackle Marcus Thomas will find out Thursday if his suspension for failing a second drug test will be upheld or overturned, his mother said Wednesday afternoon. Thomas has been suspended indefinitely by the University of Florida. It's a suspension that could impact his immediate future at UF and the remainder of his college career.

http://gainesville.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060920/GATORS01/60920048/-1/sports




If this were Tennessee, it would be a good year. In fact, Tennessee wouldn’t even suspend this guy. He would be a model student compared to the criminal records of the rest of Tennessee’s players. With all the laughably marginal students and jailbird thugs they recruit at Tennessee, the fans just expect this sort of thing. But we all know that the Tennessee fans and boosters have no class. They are the lowest form of scum there is. They’re lower than whale poop.

And let’s not even get into their mommas…. Hmmmm…”

“Hey check it out! Ohio State has another great entry into their alum section for their football media guide.

Prison Bltch

”

“Dallas Cowboy Bound. Jerry Jones has got to be pushing to get him.”

“he'll have to wait 3 years or 15 months for good behavior.”

“I'm just looking forward to the second lightning delay in Michigan football history tomorrow after the first one two weeks ago.

That forecast don't look good.

I don't know what kind of sense it makes to stop a game when the first 20,000 fans block up the exits standing under the bleachers while the other 91,000 stay out in the weather.

But that's the NCAA.

Play the damned game.”

“Michigan State has a football team?”

“Michigan is a State?”

“Well damn! Chase Troy Smith out of the pocket and he still connects for a TD bomb!”

“Finally the arse whoopin stops!

Congrats BB!”

“Our perfect season is still intact!!”

“what the FUKC happened? i really thought weis turned the irish program around. now we've had two disasters in a row, and i aint happy bout it. quinn keeps playing like this, he'll be lucky to keep his starting job, forget about heisman bullshirt”

“I'm starting to like foosball a little more.
We might even pull off three wins this season.
YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“What a heartbreaker for the Tide. Hopefully that kicker can bounce back for ya DH.

Geobeet - PSU played the Bucks much better than Texas. It would be a shame if they lost thier ranking.”

“This is a transition year for JoePa, new quarterback and all. Que sera sera.”

“oh shirt. do i ever have egg on my face. o ye gods of irish football, i flagellate myself and ask forgiveness for not having faith and turning the game off after they were down 24-7

defense still sux, tho”

“I turned off the TV with about 6 minutes left in that MSU-ND game.

What the Hell?

It seemed like a total mismatch in terms of talent. Notre Dame won, but they were exposed.”

“I love Michigan and any other team that beats MSU.”

“go gators

chomp~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~”

“The 23rd-ranked

Scarlet Knights

The 23rd-ranked

Scarlet Knights

The 23rd-ranked

Scarlet Knights

The 23rd-ranked

Scarlet Knights

The 23rd-ranked

Scarlet Knights

The 23rd-ranked

Scarlet Knights

The 23rd-ranked

Scarlet Knights

last edited: 9/24/06 6:12:47 PM”

“Somebody PINCH ME!”

“Rutgers deserves the ranking, unlike some (Notre Dame, Florida, etc)”

“Well, I have to think tomorrow is going to be a bad day on campus for the Alabama kicker.

Arky is probably in ER by now after that game.

And Georgia managed to slide by....what a bummer.”

“Man the Georgia game was like being at a Billy Graham concert. It seemed like everytime you turned around the stadium was standing up screaming JESUS CHRIST (lol)”

“Tobacco Road 7-8

Midnight Madness 21 days and counting”

“I was minding my own business..reading a book when the UA/UA game went into overtime......Michelle attacked me and started cussing me like a stepchild....i may have snorted and called a lil souiiieeee, but i can't remember”

“What a painful game. We had 11 penalties, a fumble returned for a TD and then the kicker fiasco. The winner is usually the one with the fewest mistakes and we made plenty. It sucks to get 3 interceptions and not be able to capitalize on them. Congrats to the piggies.”