Wilderness Haiku

“i like beer better
than writing stupid haiku.
where is my pint glass?”

“where are the poets?
after work, they all go home.
i guess i will, too.”

“sixty-five dollars
and cyclone fence keeps me from
my el camino”

“wow, militiaboy!
those are some mighty funky
lines that you laid down!”

“tomorrow it will
cost me eightyfive dollars
to get her back dude

i can get scratch in
all four gears but i dont think
the tires are to good”

“the velvet dashboard
and the dice on the mirror
are worth the sweat, though.”

“Haiku is doo doo
Write a real poem loser
Doo wap diddy doo.”

“bacpac cannot write
a haiku without counting
beats on his fingers.”

“I am not counting
My fingers ya little Turd
Oops, I guess I am.”

“eyes open wider
mouth agape in disbelief
bacpac said turd”

“Laughing my butt off
Reading posts that are funny
TT makes my day”

“Single mothers are
Dirty skanky sluts from hell
Where's my wedding rings?

Turn on radio,
Only hear Dr. Laura
Rush, can you hear me?

Noxious ruminations
corporate media monopolists
Hola, esse'...que pasa, mon?”

“Washington loses
They are a flash in the pan
Kleetn will not post.”

“agreed. huskies bite
must maintain slim will to live
one hope: yankees lose”

“Accusation stings
Sometimes a slap in the face
Then Kleetn will post!

Hey, my friend, don't give up on your team. I still root for the Jayhawks. Just wait til basketball!”

“Wilderness Haiku.
Has everyone forgotten?
Wilderness Haiku.

;-)”

“Did I kill this thread?
Mountains, valleys, trees and trails,
Come on, talk to me...”

“From here you see miles
Forest, mountains, and I forget
How I arrived here.”

“My 11-year-old daughter wrote these yesterday for a school assignment...


SUNSET
------
Wonderful colors
Spread evenly in the sky
The sight warms my heart.



MOUNTAIN
--------
Colossal mountain
Standing tall, with many trees
Topped with cold, white snow.



DOLPHIN
-------
Leaping and diving
Making only small splashes
Showing off talent.


CHIMP
-----
Baby chimpanzee
Acting like a grow monkey
Swinging through the trees.”

“I feel gas coming
Rumbling deep inside me
Must be the Big Mac

Letting rip a fart
It doesn't seem so funny
when you live alone”

“Methane expulsion
olfactory distress
intestinal peace”

“The ether of verse
Personal in nature, but
Fritz has the kids write

Thinking of beauty
Desiring all that is good
Kleetn stinks it up.”

“Thinking of haiku
I have spiritually
channelled African
goddess of whup ass
and ordered up a
#4 on Dunadan.
Supersized.
Would you like fries
with that?”

“humanpackmule is
getting the hell out of dodge
before she gets here”

“In jest, Dunadan...
I am one with all creatures.
Kiss and make up? *ACK!*”

“Yeah, but I have the Power Rangers on my side, not to mention Yama, Lord of DEATH!!!
(actually, that was a quite brilliant twist on haiku, my young devotee, kleent. You may kiss my feet now.)”

“Yo! Kansas plowboy!
Kiss feet? You are mistaken,
Odiferous one.”

“Many are called here
But few become the chosen
Kleetn is jealous

African Goddess
Shows up at my door today
Number four won't work

Sent her back to kleent
Ravished her time and again
She will come again

Green light on plum leaves
The bark is rough to the touch
I hide here from Kleent”

“Why so much trouble?
Could kleetn have mold on brain?
Washington rain.”

“Ding-a-ling-a-ling
Oh boy here comes Dunadan
Poor misled women!”

“I love you kleetn
Rivalry written in verse
The haiku smackdown”

“Against Football Thread
Arclite versus Dunadan
IQs: scoreless tie.

Now I feel badly
I have insulted two friends
Oh well. Huskies rule”

“Weather growing chill
Shocking blue skies and no leaves
Thick fur on squirrel

No intelligence?
With that kind of nonsense talk
Time to skin squirrel

Sweat dripping in eyes
My verses are making me strain
Do you give up, yet?”

“Goodbye to one and all
With wife rapidly approaching
Must start supper now.”

“You are much like Spock:
Midwestern squirrel hater,
Sodbuster, poet.

My furry friend shall
Not cower from Dunadan
Swinging nuts fear not!

Sinnest thou today,
And cast squirrels before swine?
Father, it is done.”

“Biblical verses
Casting Midwest aspersions
Autumn...nuts will fall!

The smell of cow dung
Manure on my new work boots
Man's territory

Cloudy cold morning
Kleetn wakes up to find out
The nightmare awaits

Washington Huskies
I scoff at the mere mention
They play football there.”

“Manly self-restraint
My fingers itching to type
About Kleetn's team”

“Self-restraint quite good
I am impressed, Grasshopper
All apologies”

“Valor's better part
Knowing when to run away.
Call that self-restraint?”

“Nervous as hell now
I really didn't mean it
Fritz has called me out.”

“Children who write verse
Are beautiful to behold
The children of Fritz”

“Children are a gift
Uncluttered lives, free to think
They write from the heart”

“The caterwauling
Of many screeching harpies
Broken violin”

“Who writes like the gods?
Is there haiku in the air?
TT needs you now.

Danger means nothing
Fear does not darken mind
Haiku will return!”

“Dunadan is bored.
Been there, Dunadan, done that.
Airborn haiku? No.”

“Retired communist
Environmentalism
gives life new meaning”

“Wilderness sunrise
the color of Dun's undies
I envy the blind”

“Pooping on the ground
Can be fun in the winter
Shall I bury it”

“Fritz that really hurt
Haiku is not for the truth
Poor old Dunadan.

Why not write haiku?
Brain2tiny spouts off here
The lame are welcome.

The Washington kid
Is intimate with undies
But not Dunadan's

Waxwing fluttering
Oxygen intoxicates
Hiking is not work”