I demand a recount!

“The clerk at the store told me that I didn?t give her enough money for the goods I got. I want a recount. The new currency is confusing. I intended to give her a 20 not a 10. It is the fault of the bill designer not mine. The clerk should count the bill as what I intended not what a actually gave. I am calling Jesse Jackson and my lawyer.

(please don't leave the O out of recount)”

“Randy,
Not so sure the analogy works but liked it non-the-less!”

“It's all about chad. Pregnant chad, dimpled chad, hanging chad. Did y'all examine the bill in question for the chad and what you buying intentions were?”

“Actually, it only takes a few minutes to audit the cash register - and if it comes out even, yer good to go! If it comes out -$10.00, tho, you lose the election-I-mean-money.

But at least it would take ONLY ONE audit.”

“unless the person, who wanted the money to go the other way, dipped into the slush fund.”

“IF you take the letters in "Chad", you could almost spell "dacha" which proves that this whole thing is plot by rich Russian communist bureaucrats.”

“Damn, how come I didn't see that!!!”

“'cause of the commie plot to keep us all blind and hypnotized, of course.”

“Paranoid Q & A

Q: Have you ever been hypnotized?

A: No.

Q: How can you be sure?”

“?Just cause I am paranoid doesn?t mean they aren?t out to get me!?
(Someone more clever than I said this)”

“LOL Mtn. In fact, if you are paranoid - we in the SPP are out to get you.

I'm a member of the New England branch of the SPP (society for the persecution of paranoids), a secret invitation only organization.

I'm also regional head operative of the subtle home invasions project.

My project involves sneaking into the homes of paranoid people and very subtly moving things around... enough for the person to notice, but not enough for them to know for sure.

Of course we leave no other traces and make sure there is no pattern to the things we move around.

My specialities are:
1) Removing about 1/3 of the contents of toothpaste tubes, shampoo bottles and milk cartons.

2) Rotating objects 7 degrees (ashtrays, lamps and all kinds of other things)

3) Turning TV's to stations that they neve watch.

4) Removing socks from driers.

5) Hiding wallets and keys and returning them to obvious places an hour or so later.”

“Hold still, Ped, while I reload! (Just kidding.) (Don't want you to start getting paranoid....or do I????)”

“So Dun, you demand a re-load???
Go ahead, I just love the smell of gunpowder in the morning.”

“Headline (AP): Michigan-Northwestern Still Undecided
Dateline: Ann Arbor, MI

The Michigan Wolverines, after consulting with the
Democratic National Committee, have demanded a
re-match with the Northwestern Wildcats because
the score on Saturday was too close.

There are also several complaints that the playing
field was too difficult to understand with there
being goals on BOTH ends of the stadium.

They believe that some of the touchdowns that
Northwestern made were really intended for them,
but the Wildcats just got confused and chose the
wrong end.

The Reverend Jessie Jackson is heading for Evanston
to represent the 2nd string players who claim they
did not get to exercise their right to play because
they were turned away by their Coaches.

A demonstration is planned for tomorrow morning.

Al Gore, representing the Wolverines, has asked
that the game be extended by another hour or so
until such time as the Wolverines score is higher
than the Wildcats. "This is the will of the people".
Gore stated. "It is only fair that we play this
game until it comes to it's completion, it should
be a slow and un-rushed process. The Wildcats
should not be in such a hurry to claim victory."

The media apologizes for their part in this mess.
In the first quarter of the game they claimed
Michigan to be the winner.
A spokesman for the media stated "Competition
was fierce to be the first to predict the outcome...
all the indications were that Michigan would carry
Northwestern, but at that time I guess it was
too close to call"

Bottom line...... we may not know the outcome of the
Michigan vs Northwestern game for days, maybe
even weeks. This may delay bowl games across America
into next year. It may seem bizarre, but I for one
am proud to live in a country that lets you change
the rules and the outcomes until they are "The
Will Of The People," aren't you?”

“Well said, many of the guys I work with and fellow students don't see the reason in having voted since all that matter is Florida. A sad state indeed.”

“Despite the appearance Florida will not be the deciding factor in the race. To many people fall for the idea that if a basket ball team has a one point lead and the other team takes the last shot a misses that that shot lost the game. This idea ignores every shot missed by that team earlier in the game and every shot not missed by the winner. Florida is just the last shot. Neither candidate could have won without winning a bunch of other states.”