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TR: For Posterity (With Pics!)
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“Tuesday July 31. 11AM
Another Doctors appointment. Only this time Dani would not be with me. Although it was at 25th & M, NW and close to her office, she felt she couldn't go. And was adamant about it. No biggee.
I arrive and am the only patient. I wondered if they do that on purpose? I fill out the requisite forms and wait. I notice they had awesome Magazines! I vote it Best Doctor's office for reading material and recommend everyone go there.
Soon, the doctor comes out and looks at the forms. He tosses one that we don't need and hands me a consent form the Admin Assistant forgot. She must be new. He takes me back and shows me the room. All I can think is "no way. It's too small. Too sterile. I knew I should have had a drink or two before I came." he shows me the specimen cups and the magazine rack, asks me how long I've been deprived and leaves. there I am in the tiny room:
Oh well. I spread the surgical cloth on the chair, grab a cup, label it, grab some magazines, and take a seat. The view is less then spectacular:
Playboy, Penthouse, and Stuff. I laugh and think "Pictures of Nekkid and not so Nekkid women? I'm not 18. Next time I'll bring my own material. The pages are quite tattered (LOL) and I put that observation right out of my head. Luckily, I have been Master of my Domain since Friday and I am, if i can admit, a bit of a horndog. And I think being in that room, at a doctors office, for the purpose at hand (pun soooooo intended), was a bit of a turn on. At least I was wearing shorts. I'll spare you the rest of the details. Unless I get comments asking for more. Wink Big Grin
I should add it's not as fun as one might think. The room isn't sound proof and the cup is small so you have to kind of stop and make sure you don't miss. Especially if you're worried about the outcome (they just kind of...come..to me as I type. I swear!) And it's not exactly my first choice for location. So, while I can't say I rushed myself, I certainly didn't take all the time I wanted. But I'm a guy (and maybe an unusually horny guy) so I can't say I wasn't enjoying my time there either. If I can steal and modify a movie line: "It's kind of like pizza. Even when it's bad it's still kind of good."
And certainly it's the best type of Doctors appointment imaginable, no?
So I finish up, go out and ring the buzzer to the lab. the doc comes out, puts gloves on and takes the sample. He wants me to wait. I haven't had an analysis ever. Chemo might have left me sterile/in-fertile. He can have a decent analysis in 20 minutes and refund me.
I go back to the room. There's a couple waiting. I smile (my wide kind of creepy/psycho smile) and nod at them, thinking they must know. They must know that I was, as Dani's friend Miyun put it; "jerking off into a petri dish." I was oddly amused by the whole thing. It's a complete fertility clinic. I sit and call Dani. She says "Your done? It's only been 30min??? Yes. I'm stroking (again, I really can't help it) my ego. i thank her and explain I'm waiting. I pick up the mag and start reading about Buffalo commons again. having difficulty with it. Sterility scares the crap out of me. What if I'm sterile and I need a Bone Marrow biopsy? I might as well not exist. I try not to think about it. After an agonizing wait he comes out.
"Your sperm is fine and there's plenty of it. See you Friday" I thanked him and the receptionist and walk out, chest puffed, Cock of the Walk (just so frikken easy). No, I didn't shake my Doc's hand before I left. And for some reason he didn't offer. Wish I had a good cigar. Or at least a cigarette. I felt a little tired Wink but so alive. Humor aside, this weighed on me heavily. It was a huge psychological boost for me. Did I dare dream my Bone Marrow was OK? I tried not to think about it. For fear of jinxing myself.
I need a drink.....
I get to do it again on Friday after I'm all charged up again. This time I'll walk in and out like Cock of the Walk. kind of like when I used to buy condoms. Trying to not so subtly let everyone know "Yes. I'm having sex." This time it'll be "Yes. I'm fertile as hell. I can do anything. Can I help you?". Men can be such guys, no?
BTW - while insurance will pay for Viagra, it does not pay for freezing Sperm. Draw your own conclusions. They want at least 2 samples. $250/sample plus $30/month storage. We don't really have that kind of money. So a very special thank you to my Mother-in-law for helping out (Make your own jokes).
Honestly, though, it was a huge moral booster and psychological victory.
Friday came and went. Unfortunately I got the same room with the same reading material. I was feeling kind of bored so I didn't spend as much quality time with myself. But overall I would say I had a hard day at the office.
My boys are plentiful & swimmin' and my Bone Marrow is Fine. 'Tis beautiful to be alive, no?
At least some things are coming along just fine.”
“So what are you drinking?”
“she felt she couldn't go. And was adamant about it. No biggee - bear
Now why couldn't she give you a hand?”
“Keep up the good work BM!”
“When I went in for the same, the nurse looked at my wife and said that saliva can interfere with the test. LOL - oh well, hand worked well too.”
“Bear....I am laughing my a** off right now...you are too much! So glad you are feeling better!”
“LOL! I wasn't sure the wife would have been allowed to go back there. This being DC and all. Besides, Might not have been concerned enough with getting everything in the cup.
And as a beautiful coincidence, I just got a gift in the mail: 15yr old Macallan.
“that's quite the trip report!...glad everything came out okay...or whatever, LOL...”
“bacpac had a similar TR years ago.
Matt banned him for it and pulled the thread.
It will interesting to see what the new management does. LOL”
“Thank you, twig. :D
SS - always stokin' aren't ya? ;)
Not sure what bacpac wrote but I think mine is a tasteful story involving angst, hope, jubilation and triumph. A true work of art.
“--- Keepin' the Grandkids on Ice ---”
“They asked me if I wanted to bank sperm in 1998 before I had a bone marrow transplant, but I declined the offer. That's an interesting trip report. LOL...”
“I declined before my first round, Rich. This time, I needed to. I needed to know and I needed the hope.”
“I didn't agree with matt's banning of him, but he didn't ask me. ;-)
It was also 'a tasteful story involving angst, hope, jubilation and triumph', except he was on a biz trip and got his hands on a copy of Hustler.”
“I think it's great that you did this. My situation was different and I'm older than you so I didn't even consider it and just declined. Your trip report was well written and excellent.
last edited: 8/03/07 12:55:23 PM”
“As I started reading bmag I got worried that you were telling us things were getting worse, then it all came together for me.
I think it's safe to say that you win the boobie prize for most unique thread of the week - hands down.
Glad to hear you are coming around.”
“Sounds like a great day.”
“hehehe, meangreen said "boobie"”
“Bear.....you are a goodsport about it.....
..I had some fertility problems and went to an infertility specialist for 5 years...I had to have one of these tests...
you have to be with your husband and then go to the Dr's office RIGHT AWAY...
..and of course the nurse had to say why I was there OUT LOUD...so EVERYONE knew....”
“LOL..Stove you say matt banned him and pulled the thread....You know someone had to ask...how um many times did he pull "the thread" before he got a response?”
“Thanks rich. i try to write well. Where might I pick up the "boobie" prize?”
“Why's that child got my prize?”
You can pick your prize up in Red River Gorge this Sunday at 10:00 A.M. Just show up at the Southern Swift Camp Creek Trailhead and tell everyone you come in contact with that you are looking for your boobie prize.
last edited: 8/03/07 2:01:17 PM”
“It was not Hustler it was a Penthouse.
I had not seen a porn rag is quite a while and I was surprised that it did not have the expected centerfold, but instead showed graphic double penetration with two guys and a girl. All of the pictures showed penetration with something.”
“Ahhh. Those were good days, bacpac. Penthouse wussed out and went back to being exactly like Playboy.”
“I thought they had a California version.”
“Thanks for the correction, bacpac. My memory isn't what it used to me.”
“No. About the same time for a few years, hustler & penthouse went hardcore. Penthouse lost major advertisers, subscriptions dipped, and I think Guccione had to give it up.
I think Hustler continued on its merry way. I might need to confirm that, though”
“I'm just glad there aren't more photos.”
“I have more photos...”
“Sounds like quite a sticky situation BM. Glad you pulled through OK!”
“Did they provide tweezers or did you bring your own?”
“OMG...sometimes you are sooooooooo bad......lol.....
“The version of this thread was removed from the other side. Steve also edited "Frikken" out of one of my posts.”
“Hi BM...I hope you are having a good day!!!”
“It's OK. Har yu?”
“Glad I got to read this one. LOL, too funny. Well, not THAT WAY funny. You were so jacked for it.
“Bryan had a good chuckle when he read this and so did I - we went through a whole whack of fertility testing and finally gave up - adopted instead. Technically Bry should be able to get me preggers from 15 feet away... I think it was your puffed chest comment that made him laugh the most.”
“oh gee - I shouldn't have said "whack" (blushing) - Bryan is sitting here laughing at me all crimson faced”
“Good times and good scotch...............who could ask for anything more?
Wildchild, in what part of Canada do you reside?”
“a whole whack? ;-)”
“What gets longer when pulled...............
Fits between your boobs..............
Inserts neatly in a hole, and
Works best when jerked...............
A SEAT BELT, you perverts!!!......
last edited: 8/05/07 6:42:11 PM”
“Thoroughly enjoyed the trip report, bear. I vaguely recall having to provide two samples years ago to make sure I was shooting blanks--after the birth of my fourth and fifth children and a visit to Dr. Snippett.
A visit I have occasionally (but only mildly) regretted, actually.
In any case, I am happy for you and Dani and your good result.
last edited: 8/06/07 7:02:20 AM”
“In an odd twist of events, bearmagnet has the first ever TT trip that is both private and pubic.
“An instant classic.”
“Hi MarkO - I am in Ontario - close to the Grand River.”
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