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“I walked into my Psychiatrist's office the other day mumbling to myself: "I'm a Big Agnes I'm a Sierra Designs, I'm a Big Agnes I'm a Sierra Designs." My Psychiatrist said: "I think I have diagnosed your problem....you're two tents."
“Bad, very bad......”
“LOL, that was bad.”
“did you make that up all by yourself?”
“OMGOSH the two tents joke has been around for ages, i know because my husband tells it, his dad told it to him! usually it's a wigwam and a teepee! you've just spruced it up a bit! hee hee LOLOLOLOL!”
“"spruced it up"..>GOD I love when someone can "branch out" into revised humor.”
“LOL XL's post is the best 'bad' joke post yet on this thread.”
“Boudreaux Goes Fishin'
Boudreaux been fish'n down by de bayou all day an he done run outta night crawlers.
He be bout reddy to leave when he seen a snake wit a big frog in his mouf.
He knowed dat dem big bass fish like frogs, so he decides to steal dat froggie.
Dat snake, he be a cotton moufed water moccasin, so Boudreaux had to be real careful or he'd get bit.
He snuk up behine de snake and grabbed him roun de haid. Dat ole snake din't lak dat one bit.
He squirmed and wrapped hisself roun Boudreaux's arm try'n to get hisself free. But Boudreaux, him, hada real good grip on his haid, yeh.
Well, Boudreaux pried his mouf open and got de frog and puts it in his bait can.
Now, Boudreaux knows dat he cain't let go dat snake or he's gonna bite him good, but he had a plan.
He reach into de back pocket of his bib overhauls and pulls out a pint a Tennessee hillbilly moonshine likker.
He pour some drops into de snakes mouf. Well, dat snake's eyeballs roll back in his haid and his body go limp.
Wit dat, Boudreaux toss dat snake into de bayou, den he goes back to fish'n.
A while later Boudreaux dun feel sumpin tappin' on his barefoot toe.
He slowly look down and dere be dat cotton moufed water moccasin, wif two more frogs.
Life is good!”
“I was buying a large bag of kibble in Target and was standing in the queue at the register. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog?
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Kibble Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in the ER with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it
works is to load your pockets with kibble nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is
nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story.
Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned.
I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the road licking my balls and a car hit me.
last edited: 5/31/07 1:20:26 PM”
“what do you get when you cross castor oil with holy water..?
a religious movement.”
“The wife was complaining the other evening that I never treat her like a princess so I piled a bunch of buddies with cameras into the back of my car and we chased her all over town until she crashed in a tunnel.”
“Bob walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:
"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."
His wife is lying in bed and replies: "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot.”
The man says: "I think you'll find that I wasn't talking to you."”
“A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display.
While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper,
"I'll have an AutoCAD monkey please." The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a
cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fitted a collar and
leash, handed it to the customer, saying, "That'll be $5000." The customer
paid and walked out with his monkey.
Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very
expensive monkey. Most of them are only few hundred dollars. Why did that
one cost so much?"
The Shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can draw in AutoCAD - very fast,
clear layouts, no mistakes, well worth the money."
The tourist looked at a monkey in another cage. "That one's even more
expensive! $10,000! What does it do?"
"Oh, that one's a Design monkey; it can design systems, layout projects,
mark-up drawings, write specifications, some even calculate. All the really
useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.
The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in its
own cage. The price tag around its neck read $50,000. He gasped to the
shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What on
earth does it do?"
The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything, but
it says it's an Engineer."”
“ew, that's bad”
“do I get bonus points if I have a seat of autocad currently running?”
“LOL...I love autocad...Just had to redraw an entire building because one of my inspectors (now retired) produced 15 sets of plans that bore no resemblence at all to the building that was being rehabilitated.”
“Corporate America Recreation Preferences
The National Science Foundation announced the following study results on corporate America recreation preferences:
1. Sport of choice for maintenance level employees: bowling.
2. Sport of choice for front line workers: football.
3. Sport of choice for supervisors: baseball.
4. Sport of choice for middle management: tennis.
5. Sport of choice for corporate officers: golf.
Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls.”
“LOL..thanks Ped, will bring this up in the next staff meeting.”
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