The Holy Grail TRIP!!!

“OK
Who's going? ;-)”

“nobody - just a couple of trolls that will never show their faces”

“Don't forget the guy banging the two coconut halves together, or the taunting French knight.”

“Hope those two guys don't run into any rabbits.”

“I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.”

“LOL”

“Creek, let it out....don't hold back (LOL)”

““'Tis but a scratch'
'A scratch?! Your arm's off!'
'No, it isn't.'””

“My favorite is as they enter the village where the woman is being tried as a witch...you get a quick shot of the wise knight throwing two swallows up in the air with a coconut tied between them”

“Bedevere stands on a stage in front of a large crowd of wild villagers.

Villager: We have found a witch, may we burn her?
Crowd: BURN!! BUUUURN HER!
Bedevere: But how do you *know* she is a witch?
Villager: She looks like one!
Other Villagers: Yeah! She looks like one!!!
Bedevere: Bring her forward.

(a young woman is pushed through the crowd of villagers to the platform. She
is dressed all in black, has a carrot tied around her face on top of her nose,
and a black paper hat on her head. She talks funny because her nose is
closed by the carrot.)

Witch: I'm not a witch, I'm not a witch!
Bedevere: Er,...but you are dressed as one.
Witch: THEY dressed me up like this.
Villagers: No! nooo! We didn't! We didn't!
Witch: And this isn't my nose, it's a false one!

(Bedevere lifts up the carrot to reveal the woman's real nose, which is in
fact rather small.)

Bedevere: Well?
One Villager: Well, we did do the nose.
Bedevere: The nose?
Villager: And the Hat. But she's a witch!
Villagers: Yeah! Burn her! Burn! Burn her!
Bedevere: Did you dress her up like this?
Villagers: NO! No, no, no, no, no, no...
One Villager: yes.
Villagers: yes. yes. yes. A bit. yes. a bit. a bit.
Another Villager: (hopefully) She has got a wart...
Bedevere: What makes you think she is a witch?
Villager: Well, She turned me into a newt!!

(pause)

Bedevere: a newt?

(long pause)

Villager: I got better...
Villagers: BURN HER anyway! BURN! BURN! BURN HER!
Bedevere: Quiet, quiet, quiet, QUIETA There are ways of *telling* whether she
is a witch!
Villagers: Are there? What? Tell us, then! Tell us!
Bedevere: Tell me. What do you do with witches?
V: BUUUURN!!!!! BUUUUUURRRRNN!!!!! You BURN them!!!! BURN!!
Bedevere: And what do you burn apart from witches?
Villager: More Witches!
Other Villager: Wood.
Bedevere: So. Why do witches burn?

(long silence)
(shuffling of feet by the villagers)

Villager: (tentatively) Because they're made of.....wood?
Bedevere: Goooood!
Other Villagers: oh yeah... oh....
Bedevere: So. How do we tell whether she is made of wood?
One Villager: Build a bridge out of 'er!
Bedevere: Aah. But can you not also make bridges out of stone?
Villagers: oh yeah. oh. umm...
Bedevere: Does wood sink in water?
One Villager: No! No, no, it floats!
Other Villager: Throw her into the pond!
Villagers: yaaaaaa!

(when order is restored)

Bedevere: What also floats in water?
Villager: Bread!
Another Villager: Apples!
Another Villager: Uh...very small rocks!
Another Villager: Cider!
Another Villager: Uh...great gravy!
Another Villager: Cherries!
Another Villager: Mud!
Another Villager: Churches! Churches!
Another Villager: Lead! Lead!
King Arthur: A Duck!
Villagers: (in amazement) ooooooh!
Bedevere: exACTly!
Bedevere: (to a villager) So, *logically*...
Villager: (very slowly, with pauses between each word)
If...she...weighs the same as a duck......she's made of wood.
Bedevere: and therefore...

(pause)

Villager: A Witch!
All Villagers: A WITCH!


(they do consequently weigh her across from a duck on Bedevere's largest
scale, and she does indeed weigh the same as the duck.)”

“Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, coffee-nosed, maloderous, pervert!”

“LAUNCELOT:
We have the Holy Hand Grenade.
ARTHUR:
Yes, of course! The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch! 'Tis one of the sacred relics Brother Maynard carries with him. Brother Maynard! Bring up the Holy Hand Grenade!
MONKS: [chanting]
Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem.
Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem.
ARTHUR:
How does it, um-- how does it work?
LAUNCELOT:
I know not, my liege.
ARTHUR:
Consult the Book of Armaments!
BROTHER MAYNARD:
Armaments, chapter two, verses nine to twenty-one.
SECOND BROTHER:
And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy.'
And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--
MAYNARD:
Skip a bit, Brother.
SECOND BROTHER:
And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'
MAYNARD:
Amen.
KNIGHTS:
Amen.
ARTHUR:
Right!”

“Don't give me that, you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!”

“How bout the challenge of Sir Galahad the pure...”

“Parrot? ...

Hello!”

“OLD NEWS!!!!

;-P (but I see you and I think alike, Stovey!)

http://www.thebackpacker.com/trailtalk/thread/43115,-1.php”

“Where's ChrisP?”

“Speed Kills, Dell!
(et. al WKRP In Cincinatti)”

“Camelot!
Camelot!

Its only a model

SHHH!


OY! That looks like an offensive weapon”

“Only if deepriver man has the courtesy to reacharound...”