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Advice for Potential Uncomfortable Situa tion
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“OK, here's the deal. I'm going down to my alma mater for the football game this Saturday with BowlderGal and BowlderSon, as I do for most home games. This weekend is homecoming, which means that the class behind me is having their 20th reunion (mine was last year). There is an outside chance I may run into one of my college girlfriends who, I'm almost certain, will be attending the reunion. Long story, but there was an ugly breakup senior year (she broke up with me), and, realizing what a rotten human being she was, I now haven't spoken with her in about 20 years.
My question: What do I say/do if I happen to bump into her? Do I act nice? Cold? Do I kick her in the shins and run away?
I'll check back in a while to read all of the great TT advice we've all come to expect.
Thanks in advance!”
“My opinion. Harboring bad feelings after 20 years is stupid. Be nice. Smile. Be the great guy you are.”
“This should have been posted on the casual sex thread.”
“I seriously doubt that the situation would turn ugly in any way, I'm sure it would be a "hey, how are you, glad to see you're doing well" and move on kinda deal.”
“I wouldn't go out of my way to talk to her, but if you run into her just say hi. If you are uncomfortable at that point, just smile and walk away.
You might find out that you don't really harbor those feelings once you see her. She might be really nice now, who knows. People change.”
“Just the other night a hometown football game
My wife and I ran into my old high school flame
And as I introduced them the past came back to me
And I couldn’t help but think of the way things used to be.
She was the one that I’d wanted for all times
And each night I’d spend prayin’ that God would make her mine
And if he’d only grant me this wish I wished back then
I’d never ask for anything again.
Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you’re talkin’ to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn’t answer doesn’t mean he don’t care
Some of god’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.
She wasn’t quite the angel that I remembered in my dreams
And I could tell that time had changed me
Inn her eyes too it seemed
We tried to talk about the old days
There wasn’t much we could recall
I guess the lord knows what he’s doin’ after all.
And as she walked away and I looked at my wife
And then and there I thanked the good lord
For the gifts in my life.
Some of god’s greatest gifts are all too often unanswered...
Some of god’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers”
“Hey , how have you been......
See how she plays it. If she's cool, no harm no foul. If she's not cool, do you really want to bother with someone who carries a twenty year high school grudge?
last edited: 10/19/04 12:31:23 PM”
“Smile say hi and see where it goes.”
“Whatever you do, DON'T LET BOWLDERGAL SEE YOU STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR THE GIRL!!!
After 20 years, Dude.....”
“saco-- funny, I thought of that Garth Brooks song as well.... LOL
I'd say, just smile and say hi IF you run into her. It's like attending a HS reunion-- those jerks in HS tend to mellow out. 20 years is a long time....”
“Ditto. Smile, be friendly. "Do unto others..." How you act in this type of situation is how you'll be judged at the very end.”
“Get her and Bouldergal to stand together and say
"eeny, meeny miny mo"
Make sure you have the couch made up and comfortable before you go, you may be sleeping there for a while. LOL”
“You could try the old line,
"I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to sex."
Y'all are lame!
“Who is this person to you now?
being civil/nice, IMHO, is hypocracy at it's finest.
It's not holding a grudge if you treat this person with nothing more than a nod acknowledging their continued existence.”
“BM: bullspit. no wonder your luck with girls suck.”
“I think the only responsible thing to do is to rush over and shake her hand and say...
"Thank you, thank you, thank you... I owe you so much. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't know what bad sex was - I might not fully appreciate how good things are now." Of course, you should say this loudly so everyone can hear.
Either that, or just be polite - smile - but there's no need to go beyond politeness (seriously, this is how I'd handle it polite, but no more).”
“it's been 20 years. hopefully everyone grew up. Act like you always act. Don't pretent to be someone that you're not. Be nice, talk to her if you feel comfortable.
Different story if you are the one still holding a grudge. Then you'll need to avoid her in order to avoid embarrasment on your part. If you are the one holding the grudge you are sure to say something stupid. Not worth it...trust me!”
“OK, 20 minutes so far; 17 responses. Most good, a couple dumb ones, not nearly enough funny ones. Keep 'em comin'!
Not holding a grudge, so to speak, any more. Still a little pissed off that I wasted too much time chasing after her, then being bummed out when I could have been enjoying life in other ways. Consistent with UndeadXings comments, in hindsight, I am actually extremely glad she dumped me, given how great life is w/BowlderGal now.”
“yeah, just be polite and thats it. But be sure to wear something that highlights your package, no matter what. lol”
“That's the spirit, roam - thanks!
Is this the kind of thing you had in mind?
last edited: 10/19/04 12:57:15 PM”
“No it's not, SD. It's an opinion and has nothing to do with how I treat people in the present tense. I despise false pleasantries, fake affection and I can smell a fake smile a mile away.
I don't hold grudges, I always try to maintain friendships, and I'm never bitter about the past.
But I am a tit-for-tat type of person.
No contact = no relationship = no need to waste time/energy on nauseating/uncomfortable pleasantries.”
“It's called being civil.”
“If you named your weenie "grudge" you might want to find out if she still holds a grudge.
What are you going to do if she turned into the hottest gal you have ever seen, and has 20 years of personality improvement ?.
Like breathless - WOW !!
Makes those wicked weasel women boring by comparison.
Just remember the Aesop fable about the dog with the bone.
No !! not that kind of bone j/k”
“BM: Each their own I guess. I'm just not that way. If I harbored a grudge to everyone who ever pissed me off, life would be pretty lonely.
I do understand. I told a guy one time, "hey we can be friends, or we can choose not to. Life will go on either way."
I just think, if I walked up to someone that I had not seen in 20 yrs, regardless of how we left the relationship, there is no way I COULD act, but to be nice. Ask yourself, did you think of this person every day? Wish they were dead? Of course not. So why act like it's a fresh wound?”
“yeah, don't let her show she got to you. Don't go out of your way to talk to her, but if she does come over, just pretend it never happened.”
“Currafreak - I am so polite and civil people at the restaurant thought I was gay! LOL!
But if a relationship has gone to dust, then a nod of the head is civil.
Maybe I'm having trouble communicating this?
The people I maintained contact with from HS and returned the courtesy know they have a true friend willing to do anything for them. The reverse is true. A couple of them "popped in" a month ago after being AWOL for almost a decade.
They were out West, SE Asia, Latin America, Europe. Always on the Move.
But we always maintained contact, mutually, and I consider them my best friends.
Maybe it's a North vs. South thing? I also tend to be too honest. :)”
“Make no eye contact, talk quietly, and back away slowly.
Wait, that's for bears.
Then again, with the wife around...”
“SD, maybe she dumped him and had to get a restraining order LOL.
Now if he gets within 100ft has to worry
- will she recognize him ?
- Is the restraining order still in effect
- will he get arrested
- BTW how much is an entire 16 years worth of back child support payments with interest for triplets worth anyway ??
“manuka: LOL.. lol.. lol.. Way to go man.. you made my afternoon.”
“I have a similar situation with an old girlfriend, that is, I'm so glad she dumped me, since I would have been miserable with her. I'm almost grateful, actually. I haven't run into her since the breakup, but I did see her parents once and we talked for a while.
Here's what you do:
If you see her, greet her politely, introduce her to your wife if you don't think that will freak either of them out too much. Later, arrange to run into her someplace where drinks are served and get her (your ex, not your wife) really drunk. Then convince her that you want one more time, and try to get her go into the men's bathroom.
Remember, you have to get her REALLY DRUNK for this to work.
Get her to strip down in the bathroom, then steal her clothes and leave.
For extra added fun, make sure the party photographer is waiting outside the bathroom for when she decides to make an appearance.”
“LMFAO, TDale and Manuka!!”
“Nice, bloodpusher - hey, wait a minute! I think that would work!!”
“bloodpusher, you must have very selective taste in women if they will strip in the mens bathroom.
What romance, what ambiance, what smells to delight the senses.
Do you use your origami skills to fold toilet paper into flowers for her ??”
“I must confess that I've never tried that one.
I stole it from an episode of Friends.”
““yeah, don't let her show she got to you. Don't go out of your way to talk to her, but if she does come over, just pretend it never happened.”
Or how about: "Do I know you?"/"You are who again?" LOL!
SD: I think we just react differently. If I have not thought about this person at all for two decades then I don't see the point in expending much energy on running into them.
Too be honest, though, I haven't run into anyone from my distant past in ages....I think.
I did run into someone 5yrs out at a bar and he chatted up a storm while I nodded a lot. he stopped, cocked his head, and said:
"You don't no who I am, do you?" I responded with:
"I'm sorry, I don't remember knowing anyone with a bald head".
I'm pretty sure it was shaved.
He stormed off and I haven't seen him since......I think.
So I can't really say i would give just a nod. Chances are I wouldn't recognize them which would put me into a guilt chat mode. :D”
“if you try bits suggestion, you just gotta get a pic to share with us, ok?”
“oh, I dont think Id expend an ounce of energy TRYING to find her. My guess is that she is as "scared" of a possible encounter as much as you are. I'm just saying if it happens, don't be a duck. (or something similar.)”
Someone has issues
She probably hasn't thought about you twice in the ensuing 20 years.
Don't put his much thought into it. its not a big deal in the scheme of things (unless there really is a restraining order still in effect against you).
Let go. Grow a pair. Remember .. . she's the girl.”
“Wear your Hawaiian shirt and she'll be glad she dumped you!”
“You're just jealous because I've got a louder Hawaiian shirt than you do!”
“Hire two hotties, get two rings and do your best to run into here.
Introduce your ladies as your wife and concubine.
I might be going to a HS reunion (never been) with two of my female friends, and we are considering this.”
“You could say to her, I think of you fondly, every time I watch my favorite TV show."
(hahahaha... you may have to THINK to get that one! hehee)”
“Ha! Good one, lizs!!!!”
“make sure you put on plenty of aftershave
“Maybe I should show up in a limo, just in case!”
“The scenario that Bloodpusher described is a little bit like the movie Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion (I think that was the title).
Reunions can be a blast. When I was in high school I was a wall flower and a lot of the guys didn't notice me. By the time I went to my 10-year reunion, I had come out of my shell (and didn't dress in baggy sweaters anymore). Two of my girlfriends and I went to the unofficial keg party that one of the guys hosted. While there, we walked up to a group of about a dozen of the "popular" guys. As we walked up, they all turned to look at us. And one of them said to me, "Hey, Vic, you look great. Where'd you get those t*ts?" I didn't bat an eyelash and responded, "I've always had them. You just never noticed. By the way, Dan, what'd you do about that little #&%!$ you used to have?" Everyone burst out laughing and about half of the guys blew beer out their noses. Every time I go home now and run into someone from that party, they bring that up and laugh at Dan.
Reunions are a blast!”
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