craigslist.org funnies

“what, that it was a fish sandwich?”

“crappy... not crappie...”

“Guys check this one out


I'm seeking a male, 19-29 who lives in the area. Looking for him to be here when my boyfriend comes home, so my boyfriend will see me cuddling with another, and, HOPEFULLY, finally become my ex boyfriend. Am willing to become friends with this male as I'm not sure if being caught once will be enough.

About myself:
-21
-desperate to get rid of boyfriend who won't stop calling, texting, begging, breaking door down when told to get lost
-not exactly gorgeous but must have some desirable quality if this guy won't leave me alone, right?
-knows boundaries and is willing to work with you if you will help her out

Please be:
-19-29
-Not afraid of getting the crap beat out of you (I have the cops on speed dial)
-Have your own transportation
-Not a charmer whos just trying to get into my pants occasionally

Thanks!




Location: Allentown Area
last edited: 12/03/08 2:41:21 PM”

“I think I used to know that girl, what a cheap trick she pulled...”

“Date: 2009-01-01, 10:04PM EST



Had to move out and, as it turns out, you cannot tape a heavy couch to a sedan vehicle. Ahh, the best laid plans of mice and men...

Anyway, the couch is orange and ugly as hell. But it is comfy! As far as I know, there are no freeloading parasites on it, but currently it has been sitting near the apartment complex dumpster for 45 mins (and counting). Foldout bed works fine. No apparent stains or anything. Uhh, there is one button cover missing from the upholstry, but I figured that wouldn't be a dealbreaker.

Location: 6512 Bridge Crossing Drive. Just at Banta and 31.

Btw, it's free. My teachers always taught me to say in the body of the paragraph what was stated in the title. Oh, and it's located on a curb.

Sorry there isn't more notice, but SOMEBODY assured me that "it would be easy" for us to mount the couch atop their car, so I didn't think dumping my one and only couch was in the scope. We didn't use duct tape, I bet THAT was where we went wrong. If you do pick it up, bring a truck or at least a vehicle with some apparatus designed for transporting heavy furniture.

Hope you have fun with (formerly) my couch, it was like a member of the family...that we occasionally farted on.”

“Don't let anyone have it ...I'm on my way!!!”

“Date: 2008-12-15, 3:00AM EST



Employer seeks the assistance and expertise of one highly trained Ninja, or group of Ninjas, for a covert art project/political activism task. Some repelling may be required from a height of 100 feet. More details to follow after several emails exchanged.”

“Someone can repell from a hight of 100 ft? He (she) must smell pretty bad.”

“"Bracelet, $4, MUST GO TODAY!!!"

lol, I love that one. :)

And I saw some clothes last night being offered...posted every week for the last 5 weeks, the price drops each time but the ad has not changed since day one when it said "Get them now! Will NOT last long at these prices!!!!!!"”

“FREE SNOW (Levittown)

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Reply to: see below
Date: 2009-03-02, 8:15AM EST



Looks to be about 12 inches covering my drive and walkways. I have no use for this and my wife wants it gone. I figured someone out their might be building a snowman family scene for their front lawn, and need some more snow. Other possible uses include igloos , and small sleding hills for your own yard. First come first serve. : )




Location: Levittown
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1056525007”

“I hear you're getting a "little bit" of snow, too?”

“yup just a "tad"”

“Ticklish Males and Females 100/hr

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Reply to: job-3xmfc-1133246614@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-04-21, 2:38PM EDT



I need several extremely ticklish males and females, ages 18-50 for a pg-13 tickling shoot, no nudity, just tickling in your regular clothes. All tickling is done by a female model. You may bring someone with you to the shoot. Pay is 100/hr, 200 cash minimum. The videos will be used in the paying members section of my tickling website:
http://tickleabuse.com/index.php
Just please review the sample videos to make sure you are as ticklish as my models. The videos are short, 5-7 minutes, you get plenty of breaks, so dont worry! Please send pics, face and body for immediate consideration.

THE SHOOT IS FOR THIS FRIDAY 4/24, 2-8PM.”

“I'm not very ticklish :(”

“Fake it...

'32oz”

“If I have to pay 100 hour to be tickled, it better come with a happy ending.”

“too bad if you're a nazi

http://indianapolis.craigslist.org/zip/1167370811.html”

“Verdammt!
Mein Rhabarber ist kaput.
Keine samen für mich?”

“Mmmmm, strawberry ruhbarb pie.”

“I had no idea nazis didn't like rubarb.”

“One can only conclude that nazis are serious about the horticultural purity of their pie.”

“
Mama's little nazi hates rhubarb, rhubarb
Be-Bop-a-Ree-Bop Rhubarb Pie!

”

“free blazer is not true guys ex is just being a pain (shelbyville)

this is a bunch of bull cause it is waisting not just his time but also everybody who called about it some peaple need to handle breaking up like a adult and not alittle brat some peaple really need to grow up

Location: shelbyville
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

http://indianapolis.craigslist.org/zip/1203259083.html”

“Re: "Free" Firewood posts... (all around)

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Date: 2009-11-02, 2:02PM EST
Reply to: see below

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If you make a post advertising "free" firewood but it involves cutting down a tree, it's not free firewood. It's your request for free tree trimming/removal.



Location: all around
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests”

“WTF?”

“WTF, WTF?...WTF do you not understand?”

“SO...um by free firewood you mean they have to what, "Load it in your Fkin truck?"”

“I don't know that I agree with that, Thrifty. I burn wood and have quite a few wooded acres from which I harvest the dead and down. Many times I go on paper company land that has been recently harvested and cut up what they've left behind. Sometimes I'll cut down an oak or two. It's free when compared to cutting my own trees on my land because my trees are a finite resource. Cutting someone elses timber saves mine for later. I recently created some nice trails through my wooded areas. It gives me access to more firewood and a nice ski trail come winter.

Your point would make sense if we were talking about urban areas. Tree removal can be pretty pricey in a city. Out here I just cut 'em up where they drop, cart 'em home and burn 'em up.”

“So, you steal wood?”

“thrifty.... don't worry about XL, he lacks perspective.”

“Among other things...”

“Stealing wood?


Isn't that what Monica did?”

“No, in this case I didn't. However, I'd steal wood from the paper company any day of the week if the need arose.”

“hehe, uh nimble steals wood. hehe.”

“Wood stealer! Gimmie back my wood!!”

“I don't think there's anyway to get out of this other than using fuego tactics. I'm screwed...with someone elses wood.”

“Thrifty, I completely agree. Don't tell me its free firewood if its still in tree form! If I gotta cut it and buck it, it ain't firewood yet.”

“ummm, perhaps i should clarify...this wasn't MY post, just a copy and paste...the thread says Graigs list FUNNIES...lighten up peeps”

“you lighten up, mudda fukka”

“Nimble doesn't steal wood, more like LIMP.”

“you limp, mudda fukka”

“Where the hell is Creekdancer... She is always good for a ...

'hehe... he said wood' remark...

not to mention spindle....

'32oz”

“free firewood on half (ackerman)

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Date: 2009-10-21, 10:37AM EDT


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We have trees already down just need cut up and hauled off. And all we want is half.
So if ur interested just email us and if u want send ur number and we will get back with u. Thx


I think this one pretty much one ups the earlier post.

Only "half" of this pile is free.


•Location: ackerman
•it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests”

“Sure. Cut up half the wood and leave the rest entact.

Man, people are seriously LAME. It comes from having never cut up a downed tree or split firewood and realizing how much work is involved with the process.”

“UH huh...well they say it warms you twice...one when you cut it and once when you burn it

OH and Rosey I have cut down my share of trees, cut the firewood and split it.”

“It is work, but like a lot of hard physical labor, sometimes it's fun. Just finished pulling a trailer load in with the tractor. The ski trails we're working on gave us access to lots of wood that we couldn't reach earlier. There are now quite a few more Maple trees within easy reach and, if I'm around these parts come March, I'll be making Maple Syrup.”

“Have you guys ever checked out the forums on Craig"s list? OMG that place is messed up! It"s like TT X100. I was reading the forums in the bike section and found this gem.

thread: Does anyone else do anything like this?

In order to get pumped for a long ride, I have a ritual called "terminator". I crouch in the shower in the "naked terminator" pose. With eyes closed I crouch for a minute and visualize either Arnie or the guy from the 2nd movie. I then start to hum the T2 theme. Slowly I rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me get through my day. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It sorta ruins the fantasy.”

“i think yogisan does that”