mean spirited political jokes

“Q: If Pelosi and Obama were in a boat and it started to sink, who would be saved?

A: America!!”

“stovie loves to hate

might as well, since he has nothing else in life”

“Oh crush...whatsa da problem? No humor? Come on D'Ohbama is starting to make Carter look like a great President.”

“Q. Why doesn't Obama pray?

A. It's impossible to read the teleprompter with your eyes closed.”

“Whats matter XL - he ain't cleaning up Shrub's messes fast enough for ya?

Its not like he took the presidency when Federal Government had been shrinking in size, we were at peace, growing in international influence and running budget surpluses as was the case for Bush.”

“Exactly ped..”

“John was in the fertilized egg business.

He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,'

and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

He kept records, and any rooster not performing

went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells

and attached them to his roosters.

Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance,

which rooster was performing.

Now, he could sit on the porch And fill out an efficiency report

by just listening to the bells.

John's favourite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen,

but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!

When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing

pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, could run for

cover.

To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.

He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair

and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize

but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well..

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making.

Who else but a politician could figure out

how to win two of the most highly coveted awards

on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace

and screwing them when they weren't paying attention..

Vote carefully next year, the bells are not always audible.”

“While walking down the street one day, tragically, a US Senator is struck and killed instantly by a bus.
The senator's soul arrives at the entrance to heaven, where he is met by St. Peter.
�Welcome to heaven,� says St. Peter. �But before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we�re not sure what to do with you.�
�No problem, just let me in,� says the man.
�Well, I�d like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we�ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.�
�Really, I�ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,� says the senator.
�I�m sorry, but we have our rules.�
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises�
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St Peter is waiting for him.
�Now it�s time to visit heaven.�
So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. �Well, then, you�ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.�
The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: �Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.�
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he�s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.
�I don�t understand,� stammers the senator. �Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there�s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.
What happened?�
The devil looks at him, smiles and says, �Yesterday, we were campaigning. Today, you voted.�”

“Bartender: "What can I get ya?"

Me: "I'll have a Martha Coakley, please."

Bartender: "What's in it?"

Me: "One part Gray Goose, 2 parts the refreshing tears of libtards, and a dash of bitters."”

“Corporation Says It Will Run for Congress

Following the Supreme Court decision implicitly granting corporations the right to free speech (by determining that political spending is a kind of speech), a corporation has decided to take what it believes to be “democracy’s next step”: It is running for Congress.

With more than a twinge of irony, Murray Hill Incorporated, a liberal public relations firm, recently announced that it planned to run in the Republican primary in Maryland’s 8th Congressional District.

http://economix.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/02/02/corporation-says-it-will-run-for-congress/”

“Hah! Beauty.”

“Question - Who was the first liberal Democrat?

Answer - Christopher Columbus. He left not knowing where he was going, got there not knowing where he was, left not knowing where he'd been and did it all on borrowed money.”

“...and now people like Nigal live in North America....”

“I'm 1/8th Cherokee there Paleface. :)”

“That makes you about 12% Southerner. Here, have a grit.
last edited: 2/14/10 6:54:24 PM”

“Message from the CDC


Important information from the CDC just made public everyone should be aware of:

Gonorrhea Lectim

The Centers for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of this old disease.

The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim.. It's pronounced "Gonna re-elect 'im."

The disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior involving putting your cranium up your rectum.

Many victims contracted it in 2008.....but now most people, after having been infected for the past 1-2 years, are starting to realize how destructive this sickness is. It's sad because it is so easily cured with a new procedure just coming on the market calledVotemout!

You take the first dose/step in 2010 and the second dosage in 2012 and simply don't engage in such behavior again, otherwise it could become permanent and eventually wipe out all life as we know it.

Several states are already on top of this like Virginia , New Jersey , and Massachusetts with many more seeing the writing on the wall.”

“Picked this one up off FB...

While suturing up a cut on the hand of a 75 year old rancher, whose hand had been caught in the gate while working his cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Obama, and his being our president. The old rancher said, "Well, ya know, Obama is just a Post Turtle."Now not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked, What's a "Post Turtle?"The old rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle." The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain. "You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he sure as heck ain't goin' anywhere, and you just wonder what kind of dumb a$s put him up there in the first place."”

“HAHA! OBAMA IS DUMB!”

“The board -right now is 50% fuego 14 0f 28, that's a 'mean spirited joke', eh?”

“


And NOT approved.”

“What's the difference between zombies and Obama supporters?
















Obama supporters have no interest in brains.”

“Did you double take the 4th grade so you wouldn't forget that one?”

“Jimmy Carter was president when I was in 4th grade. How did you know?”

“wait

i got one

What's the difference between zombies and Bush supporters?
















Bush supporters have no interest in brains”

“this one is even better


What's the difference between zombies and Clinton supporters?
















Clinton supporters have no interest in brains”

“i got a million of 'em”

“Sarge posting to this thread is superfluous.”

“Poor t*ly is a mean spirited political joke when someone makes fun of his messiah.”

“crashy too”

“TILTY!!!

“Poor t*ly is a mean spirited political joke when someone makes fun of his messiah.””

“What was the most positive result of the "Cash for clunkers" program? It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road.

**********************************

Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal? Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.”

“hehe!”

“"mean spirited political joke"

Dper”

“rosey and markO will be calling you a racist now, Nigie.”

“You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.

Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you...

You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

-----------------------------

Democrat's Answer:

* Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

* Does the man look poor or oppressed?

* Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

* Could we run away?

* What does my wife think?

* What about the kids?

* Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

* What does the law say about this situation?

* Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?

* Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

* Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

* Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

* If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

* Should I call 9-1-1?

* Why is this street so deserted?

* We need to raise taxes, have paint & weed day.

* Can we make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

* I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

* This is all so confusing!

-----------------------------

Republican's Answer:

BANG!

-----------------------------

True American's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!BANG ! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click..... (Sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!BANG!BANG! Click

Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy!' 'Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?! '

Son: 'Can I shoot the next one?!'

Wife: 'You aren't taking that to the Taxidermist”

“Hillbillies hate to love.”

“Why do ethics cost more in the Obama White House?

Because they're so hard to find.”

“


So. A gay, a black woman, and a communist sign a bill ....”

“And, an AH comments.”

“YAH!YAH!”

“The Moonbat Democrat voter�s pledge:

I vote Democrat because the government knows what�s best for me.
I vote Democrat because if we don�t like something, we will get it banned and outlawed.
I vote Democrat because I believe in global warming and we must spend massive money to stop it, in spite of the fact that all of the �facts� were lies.
I vote Democrat because it�s immoral for private banks to make a profit, but it�s OK for the government to do so.
I vote Democrat because the government knows how to spend my money better than I do.
I vote Democrat because the poor, lazy, and clueless have a right to my earnings.
I vote Democrat because we must have the freedom to kill as many babies as necessary, yet we must defend the rights of murderers at all cost. No, that�s not backwards.
I vote Democrat because all people should have equal access to poor health care.
I vote Democrat because unqualified minorities should be required to take jobs that qualified white people would be outstanding at.
I vote Democrat because only criminals should have guns.
I vote Democrat because if a murderous thief breaks into your house, he has a right to your stuff, and you should only have the right to run away, not defend yourself or protect your loved ones or belongings.
I vote Democrat because of eight letters: ACLU and SEIU. The ACLU � protecting criminals from good people like you.
I vote Democrat because we need to slow down. Efficiency is bad.
I vote Democrat because I hate and envy the wealthy and successful. They must be punished.
I vote Democrat because freedom of speech should not apply to opposing (conservative) viewpoints.
I vote Democrat because I�m politically correct and easily offended.
I vote Democrat because I�m not racist, but I feel the need to come to the rescue of minorities because they�re too stupid to do it themselves.
I vote Democrat because Muslims will leave us alone and learn to love us if we just stop harassing them.
I vote Democrat because light bulbs filled with highly poisonous mercury are far better for the environment than light bulbs filled with tiny wires.
I vote Democrat because the Constitution is an outdated document that I have never read and never will.
I vote Democrat because my heroes in Hollywood do.
I vote Democrat because nobody should excel or stand out � it hurts other people�s feelings.
I vote Democrat because the government knows how to deal with businesses that make a profit, as well as businesses that are failing.
I vote Democrat because all the evil in the world is because of capitalism and the United States.
I vote Democrat because people are just too stupid to control their own lives.
And finally, I vote Democrat because, well, is there any other point of view? Not according to what I learned from public schools, the media, and Hollywood.”

“The Weather Channel reported a brutal heat wave on the Eastern Seaboard Friday making life miserable in the cities. Meteorologists say it's the hottest summer in history. It was so hot in Washington D.C. that Charlie Rangel was sticking to his story.”

“President Obama will celebrate his birthday next week in Chicago. He'll charge thirty thousand dollars a person. The Democrats have asked Obama's Chicago friends to please remove the cash from the freezer three days before handing it to the doorman.”

“President Obama is going on a 10-day vacation to Martha�s Vineyard in August. Obama was like, �This is my longest vacation ever,� and voters were like, �Wait�ll you see the one we�re planning for you!�”

“Democratic Congressman Charlie Rangel was charged with multiple ethics violations. Members of Congress were stunned. They had no idea there was more than one ethic.”

“"Anti-GOP Taglines"

"The elephant is the perfect symbol for Republicans: they never forget, lead
each other around by the tail, and think everyone should work for peanuts."

"The Republican National Committee has announced it's changing the emblem of
the Republican Party - from an elephant to a condom. The Republican National
Chairman explained that the condom more clearly reflects the Party's current
stance... owing to the fact that a condom accepts inflation, halts
production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and
gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed. Please make
certain your Republican friends make the appropriate changes on any of their
campaign literature."

"Republicans are good for one thing: getting elected every 30 or 40 years so
people can be reminded how terrible they are." - Bob Shrum

Little kid got on the school bus today wearing a T-shirt with the slogan
"Proud to be a Democrat." Bus driver asked why he was a Democrat and the kid
said "Because my parents are Democrats." "So," said the bus driver, "What if
your parents were lying, biblethumping, perverted hypocrites? Then what?" The
kid replied: "Then we'd be Republicans."

"Much has already been published about the sex life of former President Clinton.
However, little has been reported on the sexual practices of the current
Commander-in-Chief. It has recently been learned that the President and Mrs.
Bush only do it with Laura Bush on top since George W. Bush can only #&%!$ up."

Nostradamus Quatrain #652: "From out of the west there will come a great conqurer
who struggles to master his own native tongue. When he nearly chokes to death on
a pretzel, beware...for he will force the masses to accept his mark on the
forehead...that mark is a NASCAR logo."

Rush: omni-ignorant (ignorant on all subjects)

Rush: a kinder and gentler Nazi

"Pat Buchanan wants a blinder, more Gentile nation." - Dennis Miller

"The Religious Right scares the *hell* out of me." - Sen. Barry Goldwater
(R-AZ, ret.)

"A conservative is a man who wants the rules changed so that no one can make a
pile the way he did." - Gregory Nunn

"Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are
conservatives." - John Stuart Mill

"If guns are outlawed, how will conservatives win any arguments?" - Unknown

"Guns don't kill people -- it's those nasty little bullets!"

"Whin guns er outlawed only da gubbermint will have guns!"

"I'm not worried about the bullet with my name on it... just the thousands out
there marked 'Occupant.'" - Unknown

"The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral
philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for
selfishness." - John Kenneth Galbraith

"If the Republicans will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop
telling the truth about them." - Adlai Stevenson (1900-1965)

The conservative credo: "Mister, we could use a man like Herbert Hoover
again..."

"The Republican Convention opened with a prayer. If the Lord can see his way
to bless the Republican Party the way it's been carrying on, the the rest of
us ought to get it without asking." - Will Rogers, 1928

"Facts are stupid things." - Ronald Reagan

"I would have voted against the Civil Rights Act of 1964." - Ronald Reagan

"If you've seen one redwood, you've seen them all." - Ronald Reagan

"Why should we subsidize intellectual curiosity?" - Ronald Reagan

"I still think Nancy does most of his talking; you'll notice that she never
drinks water when Ronnie speaks." - Robin Williams, _Playboy_, 1982

"Reagan's platform seems to be: 'Hey, I'm a big friendly guy and I need lots
of sleep.'" - Roy G. Blount

"Reaganomics, that makes sense to me. It means if you don't have enough money,
it's because poor people are hoarding it." - Kevin Rooney, _GQ_, 1984

"I believe that Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was--an
arctic region covered with ice." - Steve Martin, 1980

"Ronald Reagan was the least knowledgeable president I ever met." - Rep.
Thomas P. "Tip" O'Neill Jr. (1912-1994)

"If Reagan had run unopposed, he would have lost." - Mort Sahl

"Ronald Reagan is a triumph of the embalmer's art." - Gore Vidal

"If Reagan's the answer, it must have been a very silly question." - Anonymous

Republicans: "Only the SOS should happen."

W.H.I.N.E. - The Conservative Broadcasting System

Call the conservative hotline: 1-800-WHINE.

The NRA Loaner: because when you need a gun, 5 days is a LONG LONG time!

"By our readiness to allow arms to be purchased at will and fired at whim, we
have created an atmosphere in which violence and hatred have become popular
pastimes." - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

"With all the violence and murder and killings we've had in the United States,
I think you will agree that we must keep firearms from people who have no
business with guns." - Robert F. Kennedy, May 1968

I carry in my mind...a world with an unborn JERRY FALWELL!

"This isn't a man who is leaving with his head between his legs." - Dan Quayle

"Rush Limbaugh stole my whole act." - Howard Stern

A gun kills a child every two hours. - The Children's Defense Fund

Conservatism: The worship of dead revolutions.

"I do not make 'ad hominem' attacks on Clinton. They all deal with policy --
or character." - Rush Limbaugh/"The Flush Rush Quarterly"

"Women should not be allowed to serve on a jury..." - Rush Limbaugh

Q: What are "feminazis"?
A: "Ugly women who can't get dates." - Rush Limbaugh
Q: What is a "Rush Limbaugh"?
A: "A fat man who can't get laid." - Feminazis

How cold is it? People were seen huddling around Bob Dole to keep warm!

"I have told you time and time again the only information highway you need is
this radio show." - Rush Limbaugh

"Any fool can make a rule, and every fool will mind it." - Henry David Thoreau

"I was not lying. I said things that later on seemed to be untrue." - Richard
Nixon

I'm straight, but not narrow: support gay rights.

Practice safe Net surfing: wait, get educated, & stay liberal.

We have less than 5 billion years left: REPENT!

Republican Health Care Plan: marry a Canadian.

"It's a sport in this town to ruin people's lives." - V. Foster

Draw this peanut: become an NRA member!

Go Limbaugh, and leave the thinking to Rush!

Tractor pulls: (n.) Events for people who are smarter than Rush Limbaugh.

"Manly yes, but Rush likes it too!"

"What would a Bob Dole presidency be like? Boring." - Mario Cuomo

"All government bothers my conscience." - Jerry Brown

"God doesn't have a legislative agenda." - Colin Powell

Phil Gramm's a 7.2 on the sphincter scale.

The GOP: "A rising tide lifts all yachts."

"You *must* have that child...so we can starve it!" -- The GOP

ROTFL: Rave On, Torrid Firearms Lovers!

Gingrich, Limbaugh & McVeigh, Inc. - "We cynicize, agitate & demolish."

Conservatism: The worship of dead revolutions.

GOP vision: "The United States of Pottersville"

104th Congress to America: "Was it good for you?"

Oink if you like Rush!

The NRA loaner: Because when you need a gun, 5 days is a LONG time!

Conservatives are REICH wing.

Rush is REICH.

No Newt is good Newt.

Gingrich Health Plan: Instant divorces for dying cancer patients.

Go Limbaugh...and leave the thinking to Rush!

"The public be damned, I work for my stockhholders!" - C. Vanderbilt

GOP 1980: Voodoo economics. GOP 1995: Deja-voodoo economics.

FLUSH RUSH & NUKE NEWT

Clinton: briefs Packwood: Boxer's

What reeks in here? Oh yeah, the conservatives.

Gingrich Welfare Plan: $4.5 million book deals for all inner-city youths.

NASCAR: "Non-Athletic Sports Created Around Rednecks"”

“Sarah Palin just signed with Discovery Channel for a docuseries on Alaska. Too
bad other networks didn't ask for our ideas...

FOOD NETWORK
"Baked Alaska" - Palin prepares back-home faves like BBQ bald-eagle wings and
moose-in-a-blanket.

MTV
"Arctic Shore" - The (tea) party never ends when eight young Republicans get a
summer house.

SYFY
"The Sarah Palin Chronicles" - An Alaskan town is invaded by an alien race of
lipstick-wearing pit bulls.

BRAVO
"The Real Housewives of Wasilla" - We follow the fabulous lives of six hockey
moms (and their Joe Six-pack hubbies) in Palin's hometown.”

“YOU KNOW YOU'RE A TEABAGGER WHEN...

You didn't get mad when the Supreme Court stopped a legal recount and
appointed a President.

You didn't get mad when Cheney allowed Energy company officials to
dictate energy policy.

You didn't get mad when a covert CIA operative got outed.

You didn't get mad when the Patriot Act got passed.

You didn't get mad when we illegally invaded a country that posed no
threat to us.

You didn't get mad when we spent over 600 billion(and counting) on on
illegal war.

You didn't get mad when over 10 billion dollars just disappeared in
Iraq.

You didn't get mad when you saw the Abu Grahib photos.

Stovie didn't get mad when he found out we were torturing people.

You didn't get mad when the national debt doubled under the previous
President from $5.674 trillion to $10.024 trillion.

You didn't get mad when the government was illegally wiretapping
Americans and the President lied about it.

You didn't get mad when we didn't catch Bin Laden in Tora Bora.

You didn't get mad when you saw the horrible conditions at Walter
Reed.

You didn't get mad when we let a major US city drown!

You didn't get mad when the deficit hit the trillion dollar mark.

You finally got mad when the government decided that people in America
deserved the right to see a doctor if they are sick.

Yes! Illegal wars, lies, corruption, torture, stealing your tax
dollars to make the rich richer, are all ok with you, but helping
other Americans... well that makes you mad!”

“Homosexual slur reported”