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mean spirited political jokes
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“Three Texas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing
surgeries they had performed.
One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Texas. A concert
pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident; I reattached them, and
8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of
One of the others said. "That's nothing. A young man lost both
arms and legs in an accident; I reattached them, and 2 years
later he won a gold medal in field events at the Olympics."
The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years
ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse
head on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left
to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat. Now he's
president of the United States."”
“Subject: Dubya's Depression
A lobbyist, on his way home from work in Washington, D.C., came to a dead
halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this seems worse than usual."
He noticed a police officer walking between the lines of stopped cars, so he
rolled down his window and asked, "Officer, what's the hold-up?"
The officer replied, "The President is depressed, so he stopped his
motorcade and is threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on
fire. He says no one believes his stories about why we went to war in Iraq,
or the connection between Saddam and al-Qa'ida, or that his tax cuts will
help anyone except his wealthy friends; the press called him on the lie
about Iraq trying to buy uranium from Niger, and now he's agonizing over how
he's being portrayed in the Michael Moore movie. So we're taking up a
collection for him."
The lobbyist asks, "How much have you got so far?"
The officer replies, "About 14 gallons, but a lot of folks are still
“hey it's just a joke”
“Recycled O.J. joke, probably not new even then.”
“Be right back after I siphon my tank!”
“I pledge one gallon!”
Hillary's first night as President - YEAR 2008
“Hillary Clinton is spending her first night in the White House as president.
She has waited so long . . . . .
The ghost of George Washington appears, and Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"
Washington says, "Never tell a lie."
"Ouch!" Says Hillary, "I don't know about that."
The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears...
Hillary asks, "How can I best serve my country?"
Jefferson says, "Listen to the people."
"Ohhh! I really don't want to do that."
On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears... Hillary
says, "How can I best serve my country?"
Lincoln says, "Go to the theater."”
“"Hey Bill, what will happen to us if Hillary get's elected in 2008?"
“President Bush was scheduled to worship at a small Methodist Church outside Washington, D.C. as part of Karl Rove's campaign to reverse Bush's rapidly deteriorating approval ratings.A week before the visit, Rove called on the Methodist Bishop who was scheduled to preach on the chosen Sunday. "As you know, Bishop," began Rove, "we've been getting a lot of bad publicity among Methodists because of the president's position on stem cell research and the like. We'd gladly arrange for Jack Abramoff's friends to make a contribution of $100,000 to the church if during your sermon you would say that President Bush is a saint."
The Bishop thought about it for a few minutes, and finally said, "This parish is in rather desperate need of funds ... I'll agree to do it."
The following Sunday, Bush pompously showed up for the photo op, looking especially smug even while attempting to appear pious.
After making a few announcements, the Bishop began his homily: "George W. Bush is a petty, vindictive, sanctimonious hypocrite and a nitwit. He is a liar, a cheat, and a low-intelligence weasel with the world's largest chip on his shoulder. He used every dirty election trick in the book and still lost, but his toadies in the Supreme Court appointed him. He lied about his military record in which he used special privilege to avoid combat, and then had the gall to dress up and pose on an aircraft carrier before a banner stating "Mission Accomplished." He invaded a sovereign country for oil and war profiteering, turning Iraq into a training ground for terrorists who would destroy our country. He continues to confuse the American people by insisting on a nonexistent connection between the horrors of 9/11 and the reason he started his war in Iraq. He routinely appoints incompetent and unqualified cronies to high-level federal government positions and as a result, hundreds and hundreds of Americans died tragically in New Orleans. He lets corporate polluters despoil God's creation and doom our planet. He uses fear-mongering to justify warrantless spying on American citizens, in clear violation of our Constitution. He is so psychotic and megalomaniacal that he believes that he was chosen by God. He is the worst example of a Methodist I have ever personally known. But compared to Dick Cheney and Karl Rove and the rest of the evil fascist bastards in this administration, George W. Bush is a saint.”
“Look up mean spirited political jokes and a pix of violin pops up.
Now that was kinda mean spirited, hee hee hee..... ;-)”
“"Please think for me. I can't bear to."”
“I think the source for Link's joke was the DNC political platform committee.
Good luck with that strategy.”
“He's been passing a lot of crap from The Daily Kos here as 'news' lately.”
“It's a joke you moron.”
“Still no source.”
“SS - Hoisted on his own petard.”
Visited the Look What Stupid Liberals Have done Now thread lately?
“Violin, great joke....used to giggle at it in 7th grade......”
“here ya go....
why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly?
You would be too if Janet Reno was your father.”
“"I was raised in El Salvador and lived there until civil war forced our family back to the states in 1980."
Who am I?”
“Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stands up and offers that, "If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street when a car came by and killed him, that would be a tragedy."
"No," Clinton says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."
A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone inside...that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explains Clinton. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."
The room is silent; none of the other children dare volunteer.
"What?" asks Clinton, "Isn't there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: "If an airplane carrying Bill and Hillary Clinton was blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a tragedy."
"Wonderful!" Clinton beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss!"”
“George Bush, Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso have all died. Due to a glitch in the celestial time-space continuum, all three arrive at the Pearly Gates more or less simultaneously, even though their deaths have taken place decades apart. The first to present himself to Saint Peter is Einstein. Saint Peter questions him.
"You look like Einstein, but you have no idea the lengths certain people will go to, to sneak into Heaven under false pretenses. Can you prove who you really are?"
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?" Saint Peter complies with a snap of his fingers. The blackboard and chalk instantly appear.
Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his special theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed.
"You really are Einstein! Welcome to heaven!"
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again Saint Peter asks for his credentials. Picasso doesn't hesitate. "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?" Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."
Picasso erases Einstein's scribbles and proceeds to sketch out a truly stunning mural. Bulls, satyrs, nude women: he captures their essences with but a few strokes of the chalk. Saint Peter claps.
"Surely you are the great artist you claim to be! Come on in!"
The last to arrive is George Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head. "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?"
Bush looks bewildered, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"
Saint Peter sighs, "Come on in, George."”
“Senator Hillary Clinton was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upper New York State. She spoke for almost an hour on her future plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living, should she one day become the first female President. She referred to her career as a New York Senator, how she had signed "YES" for every Indian issue that came to her desk for approval.
Although the Senator was vague on the details of her plan, she seemed most enthusiastic about her future ideas for helping her "red sisters and brothers".
At the conclusion of her speech, the Tribes presented the Senator with a plaque inscribed with her new Indian name--"Walking Eagle". The proud Senator then departed in her motorcade, waving to the crowds.
A news reporter later inquired to the group of chiefs of how they
come to select the new name given to the Senator. They explained that "Walking Eagle" is the name given to a bird so full of #&%!$ it can no longer fly.”
“A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Basrawhen they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.
The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was that heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein is a miserable, lowlife, scumbag, and he yelled back that Senator Ted Kennedy is a good-for-nothing, fat, left wing liberal drunken murderer.
So I yelled that Osama Bin Ladin dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited woman!," and he retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well so does Hillary Clinton!"
"And, there we were, standing in the middle of the road shaking hands, when a truck hit us."”
“LMAO! Good one Sarge”
“There you go! Good one Sarge”
“Sarge ?? Military ?”
“Now that was mean, Sarge.
Poor little abused Hillary is already crying about how mean the men are being to her.
last edited: 3/08/06 10:06:15 AM”
“I thought Hillary was the one with the anger issues :-&”
“chris - ex-active duty RA”
“Chris....Sarge', former flea collar...sorry Sarge had to let it out.”
MP, 108th, Fort Bragg”
“My brother went throug Bragg as an MP. Good to know ya and thanks for your service guys.”
“1/9 Cav (among others)
Thanks for volunteering in these trying times Chris. hoo-ah!”
“URGENT ASSISTANCE - FROM USA
IMMEDIATE ATTENTION NEEDED : HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL
FROM: GEORGE WALKER BUSH
202.456.1414 / 202.456.1111
Dear Sir / Madam,
I am GEORGE WALKER BUSH, son of the former president of the United States of America George Herbert Walker Bush, and currently serving as President of the United States of America. This letter might surprise you because we have not met neither in person nor by correspondence. I came to know of you in my search for a reliable and reputable person to handle a very confidential business transaction, which involves the transfer of a huge sum of money to an account requiring maximum confidence.
I am writing you in absolute confidence primarily to seek your assistance in acquiring oil funds that are presently trapped in the republic of Iraq. My partners and I solicit your assistance in completing a transaction begun by my father, who has long been actively engaged in the extraction of petroleum in the United States of America, and bravely served his country as director of the United States Central Intelligence Agency.
In the decade of the nineteen-eighties, my father, then vice-president of the United States of America, sought to work with the good offices of the President of the Republic of Iraq to regain lost oil revenue sources in the neighboring Islamic republic of Iran. This unsuccessful venture was soon followed by a falling-out with his Iraqi partner, who sought to acquire additional oil revenue sources in the neighboring emirate of Kuwait, a wholly-owned U.S.-British subsidiary.
My father re-secured the petroleum assets of Kuwait in 1991 at a cost of sixty-one billion u.s. dollars ($61,000,000,000). Out of that cost, thirty-six billion dollars ($36,000,000,000) were supplied by his partners in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia and other persian gulf monarchies, and sixteen billion dollars ($16,000,000,000) by German and Japanese partners. But my father's former Iraqi business partner remained in control of the republic of Iraq and its petroleum reserves.
My family is calling for your urgent assistance in funding the removal of the President of the Republic of Iraq and acquiring the petroleum assets of his country, as compensation for the costs of removing him from power. Unfortunately, our partners from 1991 are not willing to shoulder the burden of this new venture, which in its upcoming phase may cost the sum of 100 billion to 200 billion dollars ($100,000,000,000 - $200,000,000,000), both in the initial acquisition and in long-term management.
Without the funds from our 1991 partners, we would not be able to acquire the oil revenue trapped within Iraq. That is why my family and our colleagues are urgently seeking your gracious assistance. Our distinguished colleagues in this business transaction include the sitting vice-president of the United States of America, Richard Cheney, who is an original partner in the Iraq venture and former head of the Halliburton oil company, and Condoleeza Rice, whose professional dedication to the venture was demonstrated in the naming of a Chevron oil tanker after her.
I would beseech you to transfer a sum equaling ten to twenty-five percent (10-25 %) of your yearly income to our account to aid in this important venture. The internal revenue service of the United States of America will function as our trusted intermediary. I propose that you make this transfer before the fifteenth (15th) of the month of April.
I know that a transaction of this magnitude would make anyone apprehensive and worried. But I am assuring you that all will be well at the end of the day. A bold step taken shall not be regretted, I assure you. Please do be informed that this business transaction is 100% legal. If you do not wish to co-operate in this transaction, please contact our intermediary representatives to further discuss the matter.
I pray that you understand our plight. My family and our colleagues will be forever grateful. Please reply in strict confidence to the contact numbers below.
Sincerely with warm regards,
George Walker Bush
Sorry Y2, that's not true.”
“no chit Sarge.”
“Is it just me or is Y2's post come out like "no chit charge" when ya read it? LOL!”
“The funniest part of this thread is that Sarge actually looked that up!”
“Chris...MP...um I guess the old line of "You can't spell WIMP without MP would be a bad joke?" (LOL)
Actually during HUGO in Charleston I remember the MP's handling Looters...It is pretty shocking to a street scum to see a man yell HALT while aiming an M-16 at him (LOL).
OH thanks for carrying the flag, you guys are all heroes
last edited: 3/08/06 12:40:37 PM”
“WTF is an RA? resident assistant? oh, so s arge was a dorm mother and wore a uniform.”
“it's no wonder you're using the troll name to post that question”
“RA = Regular Army
Not National Guard, not Reserves, not Draftee. At least that's what it was when I was in the Army (and RA).”
“XL , Yeah that would be a bad joke.
It take a little bit more that a average guy to police highly trained, fit, combat experienced soldiers . nuff said.
Oh and j/k :P”
“This is probably old, but I got a laugh out of it:
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning. When I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse is everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating! Also, since he lost his job two years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one.
All he does is sit around the living room in his underwear and watch TV while I work to pay the bills. And since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me. He keeps calling me a lesbian. What should I do?
Dump him. You're a New York senator now. You don't need him anymore.
The thread title kind of gives it away - but I figured it shouldn't go on a chatter joke thread.”
“Damn..that could also describe a few Republicans we have here in GA.”
“Doh!... I forgot the "Dear Abby" heading.”
“why is Chelsea Clinto so ugly........
you'd be ugly too in Janet Reno was your father.”
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