Lime Green Jellow Thread

“More than happy to share the attentions of the bikini team with CG, I reach into my gear bag and set up the scuba gear. Since CG has the other 3 spellbound with his tales of outdoor adventure, I prepare for some buddy breathing with the remaining 2. They are fascinated by the gear and seem especially enthusiastic at the sight of my snorkel.”

“Hey WEASEL! Watch where you point that thing!”

“lizs takes Explorer's hand warmly, looks into his handsome but haunting eyes and asks, "Where have you been, dear? I feared you were bonking."

She eyed the bike he had ridden to the lime jello pool party and NOT the Swedish Bikini Team, to let him know she truly understood.

Meanwhile, Idiot BoB moved near the pool, dazed and stumbling.... was it the flash of ivory skin in the pool or the lack of a Power Bar? Then again, why was that pack floating in the pool near him?!?”

“Explorer returns lizs' loving gaze and reassures her. "Not bonking, and not boinking, my dear. I've been waiting for you."

Meanwhile, Weasel and CG are comparing their snorkels for the Swedish Bikini Team. Trouble is, due to their ample, um, personal floatation devices, none of the girls are able to get below the surface of the water without floating right back to the top.

Lt. Dan, wearing one of those medical reflector headgear thingees, is still examining Freedom's butt through the lens of a microscope. He is so intent on his examination that he doesn't notice Pamster and mel sneaking up on him. Suddenly they pounce on him and tear off those baggy shorts. Sorry, but baggy shorts are strictly verboten at the lime green jello pool party.

A tow truck shows up in the driveway, but the girl who called them is frolicking in the pool with Sgt. Rock and denies knowing anything about it.

Meanwhile, Explorer are lizs are still chit-chatting and tossing back jello shots. Suddenly, another woman arrives at the party. Oh my gosh, it's Mrs. Explorer! She's gonna be pissed! Explorer and lizs try to act innocent, but that's tough to do when you're drinking jello shots in the nude.

Mrs. Explorer comes over, but before she can say anything Explorer jumps in. "Sweetie, this is lizs, my friend I was telling you about." Mrs. Explorer's face softens and she smiles and shakes lizs' hand. "Pleased to meet you," she says. Then she pulls off her sun dress to reveal a striking string bikini wrapped around her tight little figure.

Explorer goes back to the bar to get them some more jello shots while lizs and Mrs. E get acquainted. "Hmm," he thinks. "This could get interesting."”

“Meanwhile, Mel, wearing WEASELS' swim flippers, Explorers' Speedos' on her head and stratigically placed dollops of whipped cream on her anatomy, begins the merciless task of rounding up the increasingly inebriated TT Regulars for a Team Photo; flopping on the deck like mackrals, slithering under the tables like eels, sliding out of their attire like $2 Ladies of the Evening", and dropping out of circling helicopters like so many overfull water ballons.
"Do we," she queries with a cockeyed grin, "Know where Phil has gotten to?"
"Rumor hath it he and Hobbit were last seen comparing their scanning technique on the Swedish Bikini Team."”

“Mrs. E and lizs are getting along just fine, keeping an eye on Explorer as he joins the gathering crowd near the Swedish Bikini Team.

"You know," she said. "I always thought my husband had an active imagination. He always swore that Penthouse letters were made up. But LOOK!!!"

"That crazy darling of mine," she said and smiled.

And, she added, "I would think that man whose trailtalk name looks like breasts would be here. He's a natural."

Mrs. E and lizs each go their separate ways in seach of the man they call Ta-Tas.

(sorry Explorer, but nice escape, huh??? hehehe)”

“A rumbling sound in the distance gets everyones attention. After a moment two tractor trailers and a limo come into view.


They park nearby and Mrs. WEASEL emerges from the limo followed by Mark Knoppler.


Mrs. WEASEL runs for the jello and dives right in. Intro's all around. Mark gestures to some guys in the tractor trailers.


After a brief flurry of activity, the whole place is rockin' to the sound of Dire Straits. Out of the corner of my eye I see Hootie and the Blowfish setting up too.


It just keeps getting better!!”

“Explorer, did you notice a draft?”

“Knock Knock......
Open up it's the Jell-O Police. The CIA has informed us that you engaging in the unauthorized use of lime Jell-O. Everyone out of the pool till the Jell-O inspector gets here to issue the permit for said Jell-O pool.

Inspector arrives. While the Jell-O meets the current governmental standards for quality the Vodka content is dangerously high and unless you get the correct permit from the ATF, this party is in violation of the Jell-O to Alcohol ratio law passed by congress last month as a way of insuring that no kids get a hold of bad Jell-O shots.”

“WEASEL: Have you ever heard the LP that Mark Knopler did with Chet Atkins? If not, I highly recommend you try to find it.”

“Hi lizs! I finally caught up to Pamster and got my polypro boxers back that I ordered from STP for only $9.95. I think I got a splinter in my foot from running around the deck chasing Pamster. Do you know where I can get a pair of tweezers?”

“(Smooth, lizs, very smooth...)

Lizs and Mrs. E search everywhere for @@, but he's nowhere to be found. They rejoin Explorer and dance a few numbers to the Dire Straits, but then Mrs. E gives her hubby a peck on the cheek, gives lizs a peck on the cheek, gets dressed, and leaves the party to go to work. "Have fun everybody," she calls out as she waves and heads out the door. After all, Mrs. E makes twice as much money as her hubby, and somebody has to bring home the bacon while all this partying is going on.

The Dire Straits finish their set and take a break, diving into the pool with the Swedish Bikini Team. Hootie and the Blowfish come out and start to set up, when suddenly two NATO warplanes come streaking out of the sky and drop several two-ton bombs directly on the band, blowing them to smithereens.

(Sorry, but I can't stand H&TBF.)

The CIA jello inspector, realizing some idiot down at headquarters must have mixed up the jello inspection map with the Kosovo targeting map, makes a beeline for the door. The ATF permit officer, a big Dire Straits fan, quickly fills out the permit, posts it on the front door, and makes a beeline for the Swedish Bikini Team.

Say, has anyone seen Hiker Boy? Isn't this his house we're partying at? It's seems strange that he would open up his house, fill the pool with jello, and disappear...”

“MMMMMMM Jello.

MMMMMMM Swedish Bikini Team covered in jello.

Where is my tequila?

MMMMMMMM Swedish Bikini Team covered in jello and tequila!”

“Wow, that was a hell of a blast. Pieces of Hootie and the Blown-up Fish are scattered all over the place. At first I thought I would miss the band but I cut a deal with Mark to play as long as we were there. I did have to guarrantee their safety and promise them some time with the bikini team.


Larry and Oreo after consuming Dr. Jones, are having a ball scarfing up all the Hootie remains.


I notice my wife talking to Pam and Mel and wonder what's up.


With an evil little grin Mrs. WEASEL produces a bag full of Smith and Wesson handcuffs and starts handing them out.


Oh boy...”

“The last time I saw Hiker Boy, he and my Honey were sitting in a corner sipping a little Crown Royal and laughing their butt's off watching the rest of us make complete fools of ourselves. *waving Franker's polypro boxers and a pair of Mrs. Weasel's handcuffs over my head* YoooHooo Honey, Hiker Boy! Join us in the poo-eell!”

“It must be the tequila, I keep thinking I hear Jimmy Buffet singing "Boat Drinks"....

Something about shooting 6 holes in his freezer....

Anyone got a lime, I think I have Lime disease....

I hope I remember all this later....

Where is your Leatherman when you need it....

Boy that sun is hot....

Woohooo back in the jello!”

“Reviewing Nigal wanton lack of regard for the party and especially the pool conditions reminded me of the old Russian Story of the man who finds the bottle, opens it and a Genie pops out. He (the Russian) is offered one wish. "I vould like to be able to make my own Vodka." The Genie grants his wish and disappears. Later the Russian is in a bar when he goes to
"relieve" himself in the bathroom. As he begins emptying his bladder he notices a smell and that his urine is clear. Hesitantly he tastes it and discoveres it is the best vodka he has ever tasted.
Well the Russian chap rushes home and barges into the house, grabs two glasses from the cabinet and proceeds to fill them.
After some coaxing the wife tastes this "vodka" and discovers it is faantastic. SO for the next week every evening the man comes home, pulls out two glasses and they get plastered.
One evening he comes home, pulls out one glass and turns to his wife."What you no having vodka tonight?" she asks. "No, replies the man tonight I drink from the glass, you drink from the bottle."”

“The CIA guy discovers Weasel's body at at the bottom of the pool of Jello. An immediate investigation follows and it is reported that the deadly green jello has claimed another victim.

The public is outraged that such a benign product has taken yet another life. Calls for banning green jello are heard in every news paper and talk show across North America. "Who likes Green Jello anyway?" " We need Green Jello Legistlation!" "More jello regulation and longer waiting periods to buy jello!"

"It is not Weasels fault that while wantonly stupifing himself in a turbid, Jello cocktail with some of his distant aquaintances, he passed out and drowned! It is the Jello's fault! Ban the Jello! People don't kill people Jello Kills People.

President Clinton took up the public's cry and swore to investigate the entire Jello Industry. The cost of Jello has tripled and demand is at an all time high.”

“Where are the Jello resusitation troups? The Jello temperature at the bottom of the pool was less than 40 degrees.
WEASEL CAN BE SAVED!!
He is experiencing the, "Seal Diving in Jello Reflex Syndrome".
Quickly SARboy and Hiker Boy, with their medical expertise and acumen, gallop up to the edge of the quivering green pond.
WEASELS' inert form is retrived from the depths by IdioT BoB, dressed in a camo thong and accompanied by Baffon in full rainbow hued body paint.
The Swedish Bikini Team is PRESSED into service with mouth to mouth, first on Baf, then on BoB. After it has been ascertained the lungs of the Bikini Team are equal to the task, they begin their heroic task of reviving "Our Hero", WEASEL!
What HO!? A gasp! A shudder!
A fluttering eyelid!?
WEASEL weakly rasps, "Mom, is that YOU?"”

“There is my leatherman....

Limes fell in the jello!

How am I going to find my limes in all this lime green jello?

HELP! I can't drink my tequila without my limes!

Where are those damn Navy divers when you need them?

HELP!!!”

“Now that's what I call advertising! Didn't I see you too standing on the curb down at the enterance of Wall Mart holding sihns saying "Will work for green jello"? You gals crack me up!”

“Hey, just looking for Cabana Boys for the pool party.

I see Phil used the photos of us in the shadows....keeping our identities top secret from the helicopters flying over and special agents. Shhh...don't tell anyone who we are!!! And promising Cabana Boys, well, you know where to find us!!!”

“lizs,

I thought the signs were too hard to read in the other pictures you sent. If you want Cabana boys, they have to be able to read the signs!

Good luck. I am interested in your progress!”

“LOL, right you are, Phil. I like the incognito look, too. Fits with our sinister attempt at recruitment. We don't want any police spotting us!!!!!”

“Waddaya mean incognito? I thought everybody was in the jello.”

“I sure hope that is a BabyRuth candy bar floating in the jello. Somebody want to get a net and fish that thing out?”

“After the long weekend, Explorer returns to the party and makes a beeline for the bar. It takes 3 or 4 jello shots before he's even ready to talk to anybody. Finally he kicks back on a deck chair and starts talking to nobody in particular.

Wish I could say I was exhausted from hiking this weekend, but no, I spent my weekend cleaning out the garage, running errands, completing my "honey-do" list, slaving over a hot barbecue for visiting family, etc., etc. At least with everything done around the house now, I'll be able to get away for some hiking next weekend.

Explorer's rambling is suddenly cut off but the sound of an approaching airplane. The Dire Straights quickly take cover, fearful of another misguided NATO attack. But, no, it's a skywriting plane, piloted by lizs and Freedom! "Wanted... Cabana Boys!" Wow, you guys are going all out!”

“*hic* Freedom and lizs...what are the fringe benefits of being a cabana boy for you? I know all the jello shots you can take, but what else?!? I may be interested...

Uh, oh, I'm coming down...don't wanna hang, gotta climb back up someone wanna pass me a few more shots!”

“WHERE THE HELL IS NOMAD??!?!?? We've been expecting him at this party for some time now. WHERE IS HE?!?!!??”

“Hykerd00d strolls into the area and is utterly amazed at yet another case of moral decay at the hands of lime green jello. The scene is reminiscent of the lime green jello scene of the 60's. Hykerd00d pulls his hikers bible from his pack and begins to extoll the virtues of abstinence from lime green jello, when suddenly his eye drifts to the swedish bikini team............”

“A key clicks in the door as Nomad enters from his week long business trip in Dallas immediately followed by a Memorial Day weekend backpacking trip to the North John Day Wilderness area, in eastern Oregon. He puts down his briefcase and Osprey pack and sorts casually through his mail, hoping to get in a nice bath before retiring for the evening. Then, he turns on the living room light, which later could prove to be one of the biggest mistakes of his life.

There before him draped over the couch, lies the remnants of Pamster, Mel and Lizs with various articles of clothing partially on and partially off, not excluding their unique head attire. Mel also hosts a pair of swim flippers and Lizs has a couple of oreo's stuck on her eyes resembling glasses. Where bare skin is exposed, a tint of light green prevails. Nomad thinks to himself, "okay, I only had ONE drink on the plane home, but that was 3 days ago, and I did have some Crown in my hot chocolate over the weekend holiday but surely the 17 miles has worked that out of my system by now !!"

As he moves further into the room he spots the 2nd hump of piled human remains, both male and female, some of which he recognizes, some not. One guy even appears to be in a tow truck uniform. Weasel is lying face down and is holding a large bag of mostly eaten raisins. Further off to the right lies La Subtil, clasping tightly to a large container of butterscotch ice cream, which of course has melted on to the carpet and into the direct pathway of Hiker Boy's head, who is holding a dictionary in one hand, a very large empty wine bottle in the other hand, and has a large shiteating grin across his passed out face.
Nomad's left eyebrow rises curiously as he faintly remembers Hiker Boy's mention of coming down to Oregon to visit and have a few people over in his absence. Moving further into the kitchen and dining room, several more bodies are displayed in various positions on counters, over the stove, partially in the sink, and on the dining room table. Freedom is spotted lying behind the breakfast bar and not only does she also have on the appropriate head attire, but her face has been painted blue, similar to Mel Gibson's face in Braveheart, and her skin too also has the mysterious light greenish tint.

Nomad notices that the child proof lock has been jimmied on his bar and most of the liquor bottles are either missing in action, or have taken up residency with someone else throughout the house.

Moving down the hallway and into the main bathroom, Nomad notices the jet bathtub is filled with a mysterious green substance resembling hair gel and a travel ironing board has been rigged to one side. There are also many spots of the green stuff, all over the walls, ceiling, and floor. Looking down into the green mass, Nomad can see the top of what appears to be SCUBA gear, but not wanting to think about that too much, looks toward the other side of the tub. Explorer's face can be seen looking up, and it appears he has been diving into the tub off the ironing board. Nomad can come to no explanation for this behavior. There is also an unidentified woman lying next to Explorer with a girlie magazine in her hand, and both her and Explorer seem to have wedding rings on that are similar in nature. Lying on the sink is a book called, "Living Out Your Wildest Fantasies Through Meditation and Dreaming". Nomad does not even want to consider what took place in this room. On the way out, he notices Franker has fallen between the tub and the toilet and seems wedged in, with a pair of polypro boxers grasped tightly in his hand. The bottoms of his feet and his back also have the light green tint.

Moving into the master bedroom, Nomad finds bacpac, MC, tehipite, Lt. Dan, SGT ROck, jmac, Curious George and Idiot Bob and several members of the Swedish Bikini Team all passed out on the master bed. Hmmm, Nomad didn't know you could get that MANY people in/on one bed! All the guys have smiles on their faces and of course, the strange light green tint to their skin.

Opening up the walk in closet, Nomad notices his down vest has strangely found its way home. He scratches his head and wonders if he'll find his old friend Nigal somewhere in the closet too, but this does not appear to be the case as Nigal is no where to be found. He does, however, on further inspection find 2 rather intoxicated llama's in the back of the closet and they have managed to pull down most of his clothes getting there.

Suddenly, the door bell rings and as Nomad makes his way back out through the maze of inebriated participants of what appears to be one HELL of a party, he opens the door and is greeted by SARBoy who says, "Am I too late for the party?"


Good grief people, I leave for one week and all goes to hell in a hand basket. That is, a hand basket filled with green jello! You do all realize, don't you, that the dye in green jello has to wear off, rather than just wash off. LOL”

“But is it like that one year of the TV show "Dallas?" Was it just ALL A DREAM?!?!?!?!?!/”

“Yeah, sort of, but in this case, the shot was of green jello and Hiker Boy was the target.”

“Explorer wakes up and finds Nomad wandering around the house scratching his head. Nomad tries to convince Explorer that the entire lime green jello pool party was a dream, a mass hallucination brought on by the unique chemical mixture of vodka and geletin. Explorer shakes his head and tries to convince Nomad that the party was absolutely real, and happened, and is still going on at this very moment.

"What are you talking about?" exclaims the exasperated Nomad. "Look at everyone here, scattered about my house unconscious!!"

"Your eyes deceive you," Explorer says. "They're not unconscious. They've crossed over to another plane of reality."

Nomad just blinks, without comprehension. Then he notices, for the first time, that Explorer is wearing a pair of dark sunglasses and a trenchcoat. Then he leaps into the air and just hangs there, suspended. Nomad just stares, then manages to utter: "Whoa."

"There is more to reality than what your eyes show you," Explorer explains. "But I can't tell you what the lime green jello party is. You have to experience it for yourself. And there's only one way to do that."

Explorer sinks back to the ground, then pulls two jello shots out of his pocket, one lime green, the other cherry red. "If you want to experience the lime green jello pool party, swallow the lime shot. If not, swallow the cherry shot, and when you wake up, we'll all be gone from your house and all this will have been but a dream."

Nomad reaches out and takes one of the jello shots from Explorer's hand...”

“...and pops it into his mouth without Explorer seeing which one he chose, red or green.

Suddenly there is a large << POOF >> sound, and Nomad is standing alone in the countryside, at an intersection of trails. Before him to the north lies a deep dark forest. Behind him to the south is a pathway leading over the hill. To the east is a small wooden shack. To the west are rolling hills of green. What should Nomad do?”

“I think Nomad just inhaled BOTH jello shots. Hmmm.... Leads me to believe there might be a beautiful woman sitting at the entrance to a cave in the shack......OR....delightful Teletubbies roaming the rolling hills....”

“Correction: naked beautiful woman sitting at the entrance to a cave. lol

Telewhatties?”

“Teletubbies. Those things/toys where everyone thinks the purpole one is gay. A show for 2-year-olds on public TV. Only saw it once and that was more than enough. But the four Teletubbies all bounced around nice green hillsides.

Thought it would make an appropriately absurd choice after the jello shots. :-)”

“Maybe Nomad is too fast for me to notice which jello shot he swallowed, but I can still see which one is in my hand!

Explorer stares at the puff of smoke where Nomad stood a moment ago. He looks down at the undrunk jello shot in his hand, then tucks it back into his pocket. Then, with a mischevious grin, he clicks his heels together three times...

...And reappears, poolside, at the lime green jello pool party. The party is in full swing. The Dire Straits just finished their set and the roadies for Santana are setting up the stage. Explorer tosses off his trenchcoat and, back in his speedo, heads over to the bar for some jello shots. As he waits for the bartender to hand them over, the captain of the Swedish Bikini Team comes over to say hi. Explorer eyes her curvaceous form and replies: "Hi. Would you like to come up and see my contour maps?"”

“And I thought jello was to eat”

“knock knock I understand there is a party going on???”

“Yes, come in Kevin. Sorry I can't offer you a drink, as all my beer and liquior seems to have left some time ago. Feel free, though, to remove you clothes and join any one of the passed out occupants in any of the rooms.

Welcome, to the never-ending imagination of "Explorer".

BTW, would you care for some jello?”

“As I walk about the house, I find all the remains of intoxicated bodys about the rooms and pool area. I find SARboy walking about shaking his head and laughing along with Nomad the 3 of us look at each other and start laughing find 3 final beers in the fridge as we open the beers and take them we clink them together laugh and down them. We finish the beers, look at each other and head for the door to go party on the town.
Somewhere the commit of "all we need to have here now is Cork" we all laugh and get in the car and drive off to party the town.”

“Nomad those choices of which way to go are vaguely reminiscent of the old apple game journey.

Who would have ever guessed that Jell-O shots would be mind altering. Well in the immortal words of Timothy Leary ?Tune in, Turn on and drop out?”

“Passing through the door to the next dementia, Nomad encounters what appears to be a GIANT caterpillar, smoking a hookah and sitting on a HUGE parti-colored mushroom.
Gesturing to the setting sun, the caterpillar hurriedly mentions that, "Time waits for Nomad" and that if he wishes to replace his Crown Royal supply he'd better get a wiggle on.
Meanwhile, quivering party members showing signs of low jello blood sugar, nominate Phil to call SARboy and get that Anchovie and Pineapple pizza drip started ASAP. Oreo, Larry and Slate, disinterested in pizza IV's promptly begin their tasting inspection of the Swedish Bikini team only to discover that the flavor of lime green jello does not in the LEAST resemble that of alfalfa.”

“I am a recently 'renewed' backpacker. I was beginning to trust the advice here..until I happened on this jellow thread. Is there a full moon or somethin'? LOLOL.”

“Just look around the pool, Cindy! There's dozens of full moons! LOL”

“It seems that those who protest too much about "non-gear" threads seem to enjoy threads off topic and sometimes even start a few.

Ironic, isn't it?

"...jump right in".”

“Oh wow! Thanks for reminding me! FOOD FOOD FOOD! How could I forget to talk about food on the trail? As some have learned here, dehydrating rocks! I?ve tried a lot of things and some have worked great and some are nasty. As Solo1 is a freeze-dried man (not literally) I will take the dehydrated side of the argument here. Dehydrated food is lighter than freeze dried food as well as more nutritious. ?It?s not as fast!?, some would cry in abject horror! Oh contrair, my preservative filled friend! Unless it is a larger sized piece of food it will spring back to the land of the living in ten minutes or less. ?Not as convenient!?, some would retort. Poppycocks! If done just right you can make delicious dinners without even dirtying a pot. Just pour almost boiling water into the freezer bag you packed the food in and in minutes your eating a healthy, nutritious dinner. And at a fraction of the cost! What is the best thing about it? You know what?s in it! Because you made it yourself in your own kitchen with your own loving hands. Freeze dried may have it?s place in a pack, just not mine.”