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One week till Christmas.......
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And all through the house....
“Not a backpack was stirring, nor a person up off the couch....
Ho ho ho.... are you ready for Christmas???!?”
“For the first time in many years, yes. Actually, I was ready last Saturday.”
please wrap yourself in shiny paper with a pertty red bow in your hair and give yourself as a gift to all the men of TT....”
“of all the men here on TT, bacpac would be the scrooge and return to sender.”
“Could a pink thingy be substituted for the red bow?”
“Absolutely, Geo. Absolutely.”
“Twas ten days before Christmaa the tree was up [thanks wifey--you did it while I was working on a contract].
Twas 9 days before Christmas and all the gifts come out of their hiding places and are under the tree.
The only reason it happened on the 9th day before Christmas, wifey gave me a list and a couple of catalogues marked with those sticky tags, suggesting that I "look here!"
LOL. Sure makes shopping easier! And I did it all on line! ;-)”
please wrap yourself in shiny paper with a pertty red bow in your hair and give yourself as a gift to all the men of TT...."
Uhhhhhhh, according to biz, she already has.......
(StoveStomper runs to his spider hole to hide, all the while thinking "Dang it! Where was I then!")”
“I'm gonna have to get some presents!”
“I'm ready! Got all my shopping done last Saturday. I always feel good once that's over with, and can't really enjoy the holiday season until it is.”
“And it was the mother of all spider holes, it was!”
“i can't wait to see what you bought for me!!! :-)”
“I hope you enjoy the air I got you.”
“you got suckered into paying for air??”
What did ya git yam, Santartex?”
i asked santartex for a fleece teddy. i'm crossing my fingers that he got me that!!!”
“Hey, it's not polite to ask the price of a gift!”
“D@MN! Too Late on the Draw!
Don't worry yam! I bet there are some bald guys around here that bought you somefin' reallll perrrtty!!!!”
“I got you some water from the Chicago River. Anyone else have that on their wish list? :-)”
“Not more perty than my air! You can breath it. You can put it in your tires. You can sail a boat with it. You can heat it up, or cool it down. You can fill balloons with it. It's the perfect gift!”
Knock it off yous guys, you're freakin' me out!!!”
“Bit slow on the draw there, Bobo? :-)”
“Haha! I only have to wait until Friday night!
“Stovie, well, boy, WHERE were you??? ;-)”
“I AM THE JOY GOY!”
“>Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged
>Do you Hear What I Hear?
>MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER:
>We Three Queens Disoriented Are
>I Think I'll Be Home for Christmas
>Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
>Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and
>Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and Fire
>Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me.
>You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell you
>BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER:
>Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire...
>Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,
>Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle
>Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle
>Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
>.............(better start again)”
“Well this year I am very sure that I am going to get two things - a Christmas card from my brother and a Christmas card from my sister.
Other than that I'll probably buy myself some gear after Christmas.”
“ok people today was it! Its official Christmas surely must only be a week away. Why you ask? I go this afternoon to get my finger sized at the local jewelers. This jeweler is located in a strip mall type area. As I approach the door it suddenly dawns on me there "have yourself a merry little christmas" is blaring from the speakers along the sidewalk. OMG!”
“'Twas the month before Christmas, and all through the store,
Each department was dripping with Yuletide decor.
The Muzak was blaring an out-of-tune carol,
And the fake snow was falling on "Ladies' Apparel."
I'd flown many miles from the North Pole this day,
To check on reports which had caused me dismay.
I'd come to this store for but one special reason,
To see for myself what went on this Season.
I hid in a corner and in a short while
I saw the Store President march down the aisle.
He shouted an order to "Turn the store tree on!"
And also the "NOEL" in blinking pink neon.
Up high, grandly hanging from twin gold supports,
Four hundred pink angels flew over "Men's Shorts."
And towering over the Rear Mezzanine,
A 90-foot Day Glo "Nativity Scene."
The clock on the wall said two minutes to Nine,
The floorwalkers proudly all stood in line.
I watched while the President smelled their carnations,
Then called out his final command-"Man Your Stations!"
When out on the street there arose such a roar,
It rang to the rafters and boomed through the store.
It sounded exactly like street-repair drilling,
Or maybe another big Mafia killing.
I looked to the doors, and there banging glass,
Was a clamoring, shrieking, hysterical mass.
And I felt from the tone of each scream and each curse,
That the "Spirit Of Christmas" had changed for the worse.
The clock it struck Nine, and the door opened wide,
And that great human avalanche thundered inside.
More fearsome than Sherman attacking Atlanta
Came parents and kiddies with just one goal-"Santa!"
In front stormed the mothers, all brandishing handbags,
As heavy and deadly as 20 pound sandbags.
With gusto they swung them, the better to smash ears,
Of innocent floorwalkers, buyers, and cashiers.
Egged on by thier parents, the kids had one aim,
To get to the man who was using my name.
They mobbed him and mauled him, the better to plead,
For the presents they sought in their hour of greed.
The President watched with a gleam in his eye,
As he thought of the toys that the parents would buy.
Of all Christmas come-ons, this crowd would attest,
That a visit to "Santa" was clearly the best.
It was all too much for my soul to condone,
And I let out a most unprofessional moan.
The crowd turned around, and I'll say for their sake,
That they knew in an instant I wasn't fake.
"I've had it," I told them, "with fast-buck promoting,
With gimmicks and come-ons and businessmen gloating.
This garish display of commercialized greed,
Is so very UN-Christmas, it makes my heart bleed!"
Frank Jacobs, Mad Magazine, Jan 1969.”
“i was in walgreens this morning and they were putting up their fake tree and #&%!$ display.
two weeks ago at Sears, the trees were out along with all the stupid yard decorations and stuff.
I cannot allow myself to get excited about christmas until I'm starting to cut up a turkey.”
“I probably wasn't clear.... Christmas in November ain't my thang. First thing I asked the lady at the jewelers was...why do I hear sleigh bells?”
“Lol Carlette, I feel your pain. I don't like to see or hear any Christmas stuff until a few weeks before the actual day.”
“Roam, thats nothing, Walmart has had thiers out for almost 2 months!”
“Well, the 4th of July is over, time to get the Christmas suff out.”
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