The Night Crawlers: Scorch, Dub, Roam

“well that too but youre missing the point here young jedi...listen to the force...choices...They got the choice to spend mens money dont they??? well you know what they choose yes...its all about the choice...go with the force...”

“I'm on the phone with one of my female friends as I type and she doesn't agree Shep...with either of our opinions.”

“your not surprised at that are you?

It's in the women's creed to keep the men confused. If you ever think your not confused at their behavior - don't let on whatever you do.”

“see she has THE CHOICE to disagree...women will never agree with men so there is yet another prime example of what roam and i are teaching you...remember the choice...and like roam also put it the want you to be befuddled, bamboozeld, and confused...that way they can take advantage of you to spend your money while you are still sitting there thinking...hmm do i want to buy her this?? all the while they are over at the register pointing to you while laughing it up with the female sales clerk until you comeover and pay for it....”

“Uh,.. I was spending my own money on my clothes. I haven't shopped in months.

And I was also buying my baby his birthday presents : )”

“There! Proof!

we knew you were preggers, just didn't know you'd already given birth! Does the CIA know about this, oh what am I saying, of course they know (they know everything)”

“ihave a freakin hilarious pic but i cant post it...who can post it in here if i email it to you???”

“i can.. scorchess@aol.com

and i'm not pregnant! i was talking about my guy.”

“youve got mail...”

“The Ten Commandments of College
Update by Streeter Seidell on Apr. 5th, 2004



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Student was searching for divine inspiration. Student walked high on the mountain of knowledge and came across God. Student asked God how to live life as a college kid should. And God said unto him, follow these Ten Commandments and you shall be all a college kid is. And Student thanked God and it was good. And Student spread the Ten Commandments of College to all.

I- Thou Shalt Nap
And God gave unto Student a great gift, the gift of napping. God said to him, You shall spend half your day napping. You shall nap in class, in your room and in your friend’s room. And God said, if you don’t nap, you will not be able to stay up all night drinking. And Student said, Nap I shall, and it was good.

II- Thou Shalt Get Sick All the Time
Now God said to Student, you must be sick all of the time. And student said why. And God said unto him, you shall share drinks, stay up too late, drink too much and make out with people you don’t know. Therefore, God said, you shall be sick all year round. But God said, blessed are the sick for they have partied the hardest. And it was good.

III- Thou Shalt Write Witty Away Messages
Student asked, but God, how will I show everyone that I am funny? And God said unto him, thou shall write witty away messages. God said to student, you shall never just say you are in the shower, you shall say you are getting wet and wild…in the shower. You shall never say you are at class, you shall say you are sleeping…in class. God said, if you do not write witty away messages, I shall smite you. Blessed are the funny, for they will get many girls to be their friends but never hook up with them. And it was good.

IV- Thou Shalt Wear a Hoodie
And then Student asked God, God how do I look like a college kid. And God said unto student, you must wear a hoodie, for it is a useful garment. And you shall never wash it either. Student asked God what kind of Hoodie should it be and God said, you shall own one with your school’s logo on it and you shall own many others of varying colors and creeds. And Student was pleased and God was pleased.

V- Thou Shalt #&%!$ a Lot
And Student asked of his bathroom habit and God told him, Student, you shall eat in the Cafeteria and you shall #&%!$ a lot. And it will not be good #&%!$, it will be the #&%!$ of the devil for your ass shall burn for hours. Your school shall put laxatives in their food and you shall feel their pain. And Student began to weep, and God said unto him, Student, fear not the #&%!$, for all your fellow students will be experiencing the same. And Student dried his eyes and thanked God and God told him to use wet naps to ease the pain.

VI- Thou Shalt Eat EasyMac
Student asked unto God if there was any alternatives to the cafeteria, and God said to him, you shall eat a lot of EasyMac. It is easy to make and you don’t need milk or a stove. And student said microwaves were forbidden by the RA. And God said to him, you shall hide the microwave under your bed with a towel on top. And Student asked, what if it is discovered. And God told him to stop being such a #&%!$, and it was good.

VII- Thou Shalt Hook Up
Student then asked of sex. And God said, Student, you shall hook up and be happy. You shall go home with random people every weekend and forget about them the next day. You shall see them at class and be awkward amongst their company. You shall exchange saliva at bars and parties and it will be good. And Student became gleeful and God told Student to wrap it up because He knows where she has been, but Student does not.

VIII- Thou Shalt Join a Club and Never Go to Meetings
Student inquired of his spare time and God reminded him that he should be napping. But Student said he wanted to do other things. So God said unto him, you shall join a club at the beginning of the semester, but then never go to meetings. And Student asked why he should not go to meetings, and God told him, because the glee club is gay. And Student understood His wisdom.

IX- Thou Shalt Wake Up Confused
God said to Student, there will come many a day when you shall wake up in the bed of another and not know where you are. You will not remember what you did last night and you shall be confused. You will see that you have nipple rings and a tattoo now and are covered in Sharpie. And Student was disturbed by this, but God said, you shall tell great stories about it to your friends someday. And Student understood and God took a sip of a beer.

And God gave Student the final Commandment

X- Thou Shalt Gain Weight
And Student wished to hear the final commandment and God said he would not like it. But Student insisted, so God said unto him, you shall gain weight. However, God said, you will not buy new clothes, so you will wear sweat pants a lot. God said, Student, you will watch a lot of TV and become fat to which Student wept profusely. But God comforted Student saying, you will still get ass even if you cannot tie your shoes anymore. Student felt better and God pointed to Student’s chest saying, those will soon be #&%!$ tits. And it was good.

This is the word of God, follow the Ten Commandments of College or you will be smote!

Also follow these amendments to the commandments, if you want!

1) Steve has a new Observational Humor called My Hair is the Color of Tomato Soup. So read that. There's also a new Word From The Streets out called "Really Great Ideas." Also read that.

2) And thanks to the fine folks at MagazinesForCheap for sponsoring this update. And also thanks for giving men everywhere the GREATEST MAGAZINE DEAL EVER.

3) Ever seen that episode of family guy when Peter Griffin tells Stewie that wierd story and then all of the sudden they come out... Oh here are some hotlinks. Where was I? Oh right, so they come outside and....”

“oooohhhhhhh, that baby, I thought you were trying to sneak an admission in on us.

;)”

“my little post just seems so insignificant following The Spoken Work of Shep....”

“lol thou shalt read and obey the TEN COMMANDMENTS no matter where or what you are doing...well unless you re like me, a college dropout who doesnt give a #&%!$”

“Will ya look at that? Pop on to the 'Thread That Never Ends' and they're turning religious here too!

:)”

“at least it's the fun religion!”

“yeah. i am just up, sort of waiting on Twignut's plane to land...”

“awww.. concerned daddy!”

“when's she get there?”

“About 2 AM

I'm figuring she might be going over Ireland and England about now...”

“lucky girl!!!”

“well hope everything goes alright.

you gonna wait up for me too when i fly to japan?”

“Ha! Having trouble making it through this one!

I think I'm going to lay down. Having trouble keeping my eyes open. The phone is by the bed. she will call in about an hour or so. Manana”

“Hasta la vista, bebe”

“And you call yourselfs NC's.

Waste of TT air!”

“II- Thou Shalt Get Sick All the Time
Now God said to Student, you must be sick all of the time. And student said why. And God said unto him, you shall share drinks, stay up too late, drink too much and make out with people you don’t know. Therefore, God said, you shall be sick all year round. But God said, blessed are the sick for they have partied the hardest. And it was good.


Damn...this would explain why I am constantly sick...and maybe you too Scorch. Another good reason to quit drinking. Although, ultimately I have never really shared why I have chosen this path. I have alluded some of the reasoning, but not the thing that woke me up and said, "You gotta change kid."


Scorch, the real NC's don't get online until 3:30am.”

“Dub, what happened man, you wake up someplace scary one morning?”

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”

“mr bean!”

“#&%!$, there goes the thread...



LMAO”

“BAN SCORCHFIRE!



LMFAO”

“ok, school called, kid in the nurses office. Gee, guess I gotta go home boss, sorry.”

“What happened, did he see that pic above and get sick?”

“might have. lol

How come they never get sick and make me leave early when there's nothing really going on in the office?

It's always on the busy days.

I hate that guy Murphy, who said he could make laws?”

“Make him come in to work and do 1040's...”

“man, afternoon naps ROCK!”

“yah yah yah rub it in...

actually I have a kid home sick too...”

“I just slept for over an hour - havn't been able to do that in a long time!

hope the kid feels better, my boy's been racked out ever since I got him home, at his age, if he's sleeping in the afternoon, he must be sick.”

“Yep sounds like it...my daughter was up last night with the runs and upset tummy, so her mama let her stay home today.”

“yuk”

“No kidding.

I'd have made her go to school anyway, but my wife is too soft on her.”

“lol, meanass.

The boy complained this morn that he felt bad, but he's done that before, so I made him go anyway. Oh well, I tried to get away with it. Half the time he just hasn't woke up good yet and don't wanna go to school.”

“lol, yah that's me. My mom's rules were "Fever over 100F, or puking" to stay home.”

“Those are pretty good rules, that's prolly about my approach too - gotta be fairly visibly ill to get a pass in the morning.”

“Just got a call from my wife...my daughter has been fine all day, lol...”

“of course, every time I've given in when i wasn't sure they're fine - all day long.”

“I was having such a good day and then I come home to this #&%!$... I gotta get my passport photos retaken, got a letter in the mail saying they need 2 new ones cause they weren't acceptable for scanning or some #&%!$. Now it's gonna hold up my passport being processed and I #&%!$in BETTER get it on time to leave on May 28th.”

“Dub, what happened man, you wake up someplace scary one morning?"
Roam Around

It had to do with waking up and something scary but it wasn't a person. It's kinda funny but I'm still mind boggled.”

“Now it's gonna hold up my passport being processed and I #&%!$in BETTER get it on time to leave on May 28th."
ScorchFire
06:30:11 PM


i just paid extra and got mine quicker...it took like not even two weeks...very fast....”

“you better ask somebody what kinda of expedite fee you can pay - May 28 is not far away and for a govt agency to process stuff its like tomorrow, ask what the tricks are, like shep did.”

“noticed Mr. Bean has been removed. somehow I like it better with him gone.

lol


sounds like Dub has a story to tell at the campfire when we're at Dolly Sods.”