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Not the sharpest knife in the drawer
“Beer 'n' Deer
Beer 'n Deer
2002 Personal Account
(June 2002, Georgia) An EMT in southern Georgia was part of the unit that responded to a call from Coffee County late one night. They arrived on the scene and found a severely injured man lying at the edge of a field. His stomach had been completely torn open, and he was covered with lacerations and bruises. He also had a prominent tire tread across his chest.
The injured man's companion showed up in a racing model ATV vehicle, clearly intoxicated, and gave the following account. Imagine this tale being recited in a deep Georgian accent.
He and his injured friend had been drinkin' and ridin' around the field on the three-wheeled ATV, when they sighted a stand of deer in their headlights. The friend, riding the back as a passenger, was struck with a great idea. "Hey man," he said, "If you quarter off one a those deer, betcha I can bulldog 'im." The driver thought this was an entertaining idea, so he proceeded to isolate a buck and race him down.
His intoxicated passenger proceeded to leap from the ATV, grab the buck by the antlers, and perform an excellent example of this rodeo sport. He pinned the animal's head to the ground, but that's when things went wrong. The buck, less docile than a steer, simply got up, threw his head back, and tore his assailant's belly open. The deer then proceeded to stomp, kick, and butt him for good measure.
The EMTs noticed that this information accounted all of the injuries except one. When they asked the driver about the tire track across his injured friend's chest, he responded: "Well how else was I s'posed to git the deer off 'im?"
I don't know which is worse: a drunk moron trying wrestle a grown male deer like a steer, or a drunk moron who runs over his injured friend to scare away the righteously angered animal.”
“Hey, what's wrong with a little fun? It's not like they were gettin' ready to marry their 14 year old first cousins, or anything. ;-)”
“that sounds like somethin me and my buddies would do. we went into a random cow pasture one night and herded up the cows so we could ride 'em. we were sober though”
“No, Bambi's dead. I killed him last November.”
“FG it all depends on the Rednecks.
dont ya think?”
“Maybe Bambi's Dad will come up behind you and put an antler up yer butt, Peckerhead”
well deserved tire tracks
“and bambi's in our freezer..yum yum...”
“bambi has already been through my stove, on a plate, in my stomach, and returned to nature :) have a nice day”
Oh.... Deer Jokes....
“A group of friends (state unknown) went deer hunting one weekend. Harry was having an awful time with his hemorrhoids but his buddies talked him into going anyway...
They got to the area early, set up their basecamp and headed off to their stands... and they were most of the way there when Harry collapsed from the pain. His friends were concerned but he told them to just go on, he'd catch up in a little while.
The other guys went and had a pretty good hunt. They scored early and came back to get Harry. He was taking a nap so they decided to just let him sleep. They field-dressed the deer and headed back to camp.
After a while they began to wonder about Harry, and set off to see how he was doing. They hadn't gone far when they met him on the trail.
"How are ya? We were startin' to worry!"
"Ooh, I'm okay," he said, "I woke up about two hours ago but it took me a while to push my hemorrhoids back in."”
“Treebeard would not last a week in Arkansas.”
“One of the best things about deer is that they dont taste like chicken!”
“Police officer's errant shot at deer upsets residents
Three days after an errant shot fired from a nearby woods struck their home, a young Amherst couple are still shaken by the thought of what could have happened.
Amherst police say that one of their officers - a marksman who is taking part in the town's bait and shoot program to control deer - fired the round and that the shot ricocheted before hitting the house.
But that's not good enough for residents of San Fernando Lane, where the bullet landed in the second-floor guest room of a young family's home.
"In my opinion they should not have been anywhere this close to a house," said a woman who lives in the house struck by the bullet.
At about 10:30 a.m. Friday, her husband was working in a first-floor room of the house and the couple's son was staying home from grade school because of illness, she said.
The bullet blew a baseball size hole in their upstairs guest room window and lodged in a picture on the wall.
Police told her the officer involved was several hundred yards away in the woods, aiming down at a deer from a platform when the round struck something and was diverted toward the houses on San Fernando Lane.
Over the weekend, her husband took a walk into the woods and said it was "not that far." "If there's a chance of a fluke, they shouldn't be there," the woman said.
"I don't want to have this unfortunate incident stop the program," Amherst Council Member William L. Kindel said, calling the incident "one in a million."
Council Member Daniel J. Ward disagreed, calling the bait and shoot program "an accident waiting to happen," because Amherst is not a rural community.
Shi Shi Beach, Olympic National Park
Great Sand Dunes, Colorado
Hurricane Ridge, Olympic National Park
“oh crap those are beauts! nice shots!”
Dose Meadows, Olympic National Park
Dose Meadows, Olympic National Park
Pacific Crest Trail
“USA you've won my heart with that lost shot. Meet me at the court house, 12 noon tomorrow. Be promt.”
“The injured deer was suffering, so the Arlington County police officer shot it in the head. When that didn't kill it, the deer was run over by a cruiser. Finally, a bag was placed over its head and it suffocated.
Now, an Arlington police officer is under internal investigation for his handling of the incident last month.
"We recognize [the entire incident] showed poor decision making," Martin said yesterday. "If administrative sanctions are recommended, they will be implemented."
Martin said the officer was called to the 6900 block of Williamsburg Boulevard about 6:40 a.m. after the deer jumped over a guardrail on Interstate 66 and plunged 30 feet to the road below. After consulting with his supervisor -- a lieutenant in the patrol division -- the officer fired a single shot at the deer's head, Martin said, in accordance with the department's policy to kill any suffering or dangerous animal.
But the deer didn't die.
Instead of shooting the animal a second time, the sergeant authorized two other responding officers to drive a cruiser over the deer's neck. That, too, did not kill the animal.
Finally, Martin said, the three officers wrapped a plastic bag around the deer's head and suffocated it.
“Geez, they could have just skinned it and dumped salt all over it instead.”
“Mmmmm terrorized meat.”
“Didn't they have a frickin' shotgun? Geez.
Next time, they should just flag down the next beat-up pickup truck. I bet the guy driving it will know what to do.”
“What the hell are they carrying for sidearms if a shot to the head would not kill a deer?”
“When I was a teenager, a neighbor hit a deer and we watched as the local Barney Fife missed at point blank range with his pistol when he tried to put it out of its misery. He had to wait for back-up to come with a shotgun.
We all joked that if the local cops shouted "stop or I'll shoot!", you were safe to keep on running.”
did you live in Reno, NV, Violin? haha.”
Olympic National Park
“A-holes with helmet cams.
Helped a snapping turtle across the road on the way to the village (in case some A-hole thinks it would be funny to run him over).”
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