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The Ledgen of the Skeery Woof Bare
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“So what if Hopper Butt eat Skeery Woof majik doodoos duz that make him anudder Skeery Woof and what if Skeery Woof is a voman and he eat Skeery Woof egg instead what grow inside him?”
The elephant is the only animal without a natural preditor in the wild...
“It wold be perty good to be yer nanny dog but I can not be it. I am perty bissy with my werk aroun heer at my hous. I get rats if they are heer. I get hopper bugs. I watch the cows in the cow yard so they will not hop the fens.
Kno what? The nother nite I heerd some theeng out side by side my hous. I went to the skreem dore and seen a man walkin around my yard! Me and Gissmo yelled at him and runned out side and yelled at him some more. It was Mr. Rennold tho. He sayed "Do not bite me Sarabelle and Gissmo cuz I am Mr. Rennold the land man." And I sayed "oh".
I sayed "what are you doin walkin aroun my grass at nite?" and he sayed "I am gettin a cow that hopped over the fens." and I sayed "let me get my daddy and we will help get the cow bak in the cow yard" and he sayed "ok".
Any ways my daddy came out side to and me and him and Gissmo walked aroun with a lite then Gissmo yelled "oh my goodys! ther is the cow!" and Gissmo RUNNED at the cow and yelled "get bak in that fens you ol cow!" and the cow RUNNED AT GISSMO! BOL!
I runned the nother way and got by hind my daddy and my daddy RUNNED THE NOTHER WAY TO! BOL!
But Gissmo keeped runnin aroun and aroun and yellin at the cow and the cow finely walked bak in the cow yard and Mr. Rennold say "yall are verry welcom for gettin the cow bak in the fens!"
Gissmo got good currage! That is why I luv him and he is hamsom to.
Any ways I got werk to do at my hous so I can not go to yer hous in Monnyloosa. I am sawry tho.
“Sarabelle, you are a better story teller than the reporters who work for our paper!”
“No big deal Sarabelle. Thanks for considering. I know you have a totally tight schedule down in Georgia w/ your daddy to help and Gizmo to date. I'm going to keep looking for a good NannyDog. I think Newergirl wants a nice doggie to play with her.”
“I will talk to Cooter. Mebbe she can be yer nanny dog (she is my tree rat gettin helper tho).”
“What kind of doggie do you think is the best kind of NannyDog Sarabelle? We have a nice LumberDog at the sawmill, she chases ratbits all day, but I don't think she'd make a good NannyDog. My neighbor up the hill has some of them Rottwielers. They are good Mountain Lion chaser awayers, but I think they are too growlie for a NannyDog. You know what I mean?”
“You tell some perty good kwestons.
Yall prolly want to get a dog that is happy nice all the time but is meen some times tho. Prolly a colly. (hahah I made a rime).
Or mebbe a goldy treever.
Oh wate! A yeller lab!”
“Collies are good middle-sized dogs. My grandparents had one when we were kids and we all loved it. Beau was a great dog.”
“A lab is what I was thinkin' too. Newergirl's daddy has a Grandma that raises and trains labs, so I might get a nice deal on one of them kind of NannyDogs. Thanks for the help Sarabelle.”
“An advice column for Sarabelle? Dear Sarabelle???
Dear Sarabelle Dear Sarabelle,
I'll give it a whirl
I need me a doggie
For my little girl
It should be a nanny
It should be a pet
Tell me what kind
Of a dog I should get
Dear Newgirl Dear Newgirl
You got no complaint
You are what you are
And you ain't what you ain't
So get you a lab with a kid they are good
Quit wishing for bad luck and knockin on wood
(Apologies to John Prine)”
“Sarabelle is a damn smart lady. She could probably solved alot of our problems.”
“You've hit the nail on the head newgirl: Sarabelle for president. She'd certainly be no worse than the last few dogs we elected!”
“How 'bout a great Dane. Then newergirl could ride it!”
i have a dane living w/us...GRRRREAT
“the DOG is posting!
i get it. not as funny when i have to have it explained to me.”
“nope my vote is for sparky
but the dog ignored me all weekend
whats up with that??
still gets my vote for pres... and all around nice dog”
“Yes, Sarabelle, those yeller labs are tops. My kids use "Sandy" as a pillow when they lay on the floor to watch TV. He lays down next to them and then they rest their heads on his side. He loves the attention. The other night I caught him curled up on the floor with the kitten and my calico cat. He is so laid back!
Labs are Awesome!”
i got me a lab
“not exactly laid back, too young for that, but he knows to be calmer around the littluns, most of the time. he doesn't jump on em or anything. Australian shepherds are good around kids too.”
“I'd suggest an Old English Sheepdog as a Nanny Dog. They were bred to guard sheep so they are very good protectors of children. Ours will tolerate much abuse from toddlers (hair & ear pulling) and is never mean. They don't shed which is really nice if you keep them inside or have allergies. We get ours a haircut several times a year or we'd spend all day grooming her.
They do need plenty of exercise and space (I hear you have a lot of that in Montana). They can be kind of rowdy when young but are easy to train.
Her name was my five-year-old's first words and she is her 'favorite friend'. Our one-year-old spends a lot of time with her too. Having a protective 85 pounds friend is great security for them.”
“A friend of mine once had an Australian shepherd. The dog would actually herd the children as they played in the front yard. If one started to get too close to the road, the dog would run over and block them, and try to push them back into the yard.”
“Koooooool! I'll have to be on the look out for either breed. It might still be a little early. I'm pretty busy, so I have to watch the commitments I make.”
“Mother Goose's dad used to raise boxers. She tells the story that when one of her younger brothers was an infant, ol' Duke would grab Eddie by the back of his diaper and carry him back into the yard if he wandered too far toward the street. Now when he and I take drunk (hard to believe, yes?), he likes to tell about how he was raised by dogs, LOL.”
“LOL! That is so funny. Really, Newergirl just loves dogs. I think it would be great to have one around partially for a little watch the kid kind of thing, and partially for her to have a friend. Also, she just started learning how to play pretend. Her favorite pretend game is "puppy boy." She crawls around and makes me say, "Come here puppy boy." and then I have to pet her head. A very simple pretend game, but it obviously shows her love for the canine family.”
“Oooooh, I miss her today. She's so funny.”
“Here is a picture from when she was about 10 mos. old:
“That girl needs a shave.”
“Gee, How cute!! Could you make the picture a bit bigger next time so it's easier to see?? Thanks!”
“TILT!! aaaahahahahaha... :-D”
“bit- I had an Aussie growing up. He was great. Very obedient and loving. He had the markings of the RCA Victor dog. So guess what his name was?”
“No smarty pants!! Try again you do not pass go and do not collect $200.00!!”
“OK, the other, more obvious answer, Victor?
“I Have Found A Picture Of The Skeery Woof Bare! It walks on its hind legs and breathes fire!
(you might want to hit 'refresh' a few times to get the full effect)
After that, click 'Legend' at the bottom.
Pretty tasty wine, too...”
“The illustrator is Robert Shetterly... from Brooksville, Maine.
(another "Mainerd", would-n'cha know it! <GRIN>)”
“Once and once a time Stinky Rat was walkin aroun in the woods. He was hoppin on roks and crallin aroun on the leafs to. Then he heerd some theeng.
"Oooooooooo, I am the Skeeeery Woooof Baaaare that will prolly be ded in a minit!"
Stinky Rat sneekt on the leafs and seen THE SKEERY WOOF BARE! The Skeery Woof Bare was bleedy and could not open his ey lips and mite be ded in a minit.
Stinky Rat sayed "what are you doin in the woods aroun heer?" and the Skeery Woof Bare sayed "I was mindin my own bisness eetin aminals the nother day and Hopper Bug shaked and shaked and shaked her gimmedat blanky and a majik clowd with hares and leafs and pine leetels and derts got on my ey balls and I was blind and could not see and she resseld me up perty good with good hops and triks and I will prolly be ded in a minit!" and Stinky Rat sayed "oh".
Then Stinky Rat sayed "I will go get my mama. She will prolly get you ok cuz she is a bettanaran dokter.
So Stinky Rat runned in the woods to his hous wher his mama lives. He seen his mama and sayed "ther is the Skeery Woof Bare in the woods over ther!" and his mama sayed "oh" and they walked in the woods to the Skeery Woof Bare.
Stinky Rats mama is Dokter Weevel. They got to the Skeery Woof Bare and Dokter Weevel sayed "I am a bettanaran. Do not eet me" and the Skeery Woof Bare sayed "ok".
Then Dokter Weevel sayed "put that stik in yer mouf and me and Stinky Rat will pull the stik and we will take you to my hous" and the Skeery Woof Bare sayed "ok". So the Skeery Woof Bare put the stik in his mouf and Dokter Weevel and Stinky Rat pulled the stik thru the woods and dragged the Skeery Woof Bare to the hopstittel that was Dokter Weevels hous.
Dokter Weevel sticked a thing in the Skeery Woof Bare butt and sayed "ummm" and she sayed "yer temperchur is eleventy theengs and you got butt werms". Then she sayed "close yer ey lips and I will put on some mennisin for them and eet this mennicin snak to". And then she sayed "you was resseld up perty good - I will get you a sergry leg to".
So Dokter Weevel got The Skeery Woof Bare a sergry leg. The Skeery Woof Bare had to lay down ever time.
Then Dokter Weevel sayed "who resseld you up perty good?" and the Skeery Woof Bare sayed "Hopper Bug resseld me up perty good". And Dokter Weevel sayed "WFT! That byatch!" Dokter Weevel did not like Hopper Bug "and I DO NOT like that SkinnyKenny neither! I wish they was DED!"
Then the Skeery Woof Bare sayed "when my sergry leg is good I will get them ded and eet them!"
and Dokter Weevel sayed "that is a good idear that we will prolly do - MOOOOOOOO-whaaaaa-whaaaaaa!"
Then Dokter Weevel sayed "I will get a sekert plan!"
“Sarabelle, you really should publish your work. I don't think Golden Books is the place to go, though...”
“Great stuff, Belle!!”
“Sarabelle could have a new line of books......
"Bedtime stories for your pets"”
“The heck with the pets, I'm too busy laughing!”
we're all gonna die!”
“Is radgast SkinnyKenny and that's why he's so skeerd?”
“lordy, lordy.......good thing the skeery woof bare didn't get his fanny shot by the weevels nerse...”
“i am NOT no ded kittykitty!”
“Ratagast AINT no SkinnyKenny!
If SkinnyKenny seen the Skeery Woof Bare he wold prolly ressel him up perty good but Ratagast wold prolly run like a skeerdy chikken!”
“Uh oh, Rads been called out by Sarabelle.”
go get em!!!
“Sarabelle...as for Skeery Woof Bare...hahahaha...got what you deserved, you...you...you woof bare.”
“little does sarabelle know... GOJO is the scary woof bare!”
“Sarabelle ever thought about biting
Yomamma big Latent?”
“Hey Sarabelle, is there another chapter to the story?”
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